The following is a blog done by my friend, Greg, about his experience in growing up with gender equality. With his permission, I am sharing his touching story with you. -Atira Aura
Like most people, I suppose, issues of culture and gender touch my life from one degree to another every day. For this reason, my story is different, but only in flavor. I was raised in a large Midwest City far from Detroit, Michigan, which has been a major hot spot for racial tension and riots and was during my high school years. Uniquely yet totally void from my familiar rearing was the issue of racial prejudice. My parents were proactive and welcomed ethnic diversity; to say the least they were way ahead of their time. Outside our home cultural diversity was present and sometimes steeped with conflict; these are vivid memories. However, the issue – and my recollection of it – that had the greatest affect on me throughout my early life was a gender issue and although it only affected me indirectly, it affected me profoundly; indeed it transformed me. This issue involved my mother and sisters.
My mother worked professionally (politics), as did my two sisters, both of whom were eleven and fifteen years my senior. They were indeed high-achieving professional women. In those days and in that part of the world (Midwest America) – the professional business climates (and many other societal sectors) were very much occupied and, consequently, controlled by men. Many businessmen (I use the term “businessmen” rather than “businesspersons” for illustration, please kindly pardon me here) often considered their female contemporaries as outsiders, and occasionally as invaders, as it were. From that myopic and prejudicial perspective, my mother and sisters were counted among these estranged groups. For this reason, and perhaps some I wasn’t even aware of, I heard of the many struggles that my mother and sisters endured just to “compete,” as they would put it, in a “man’s world.” During that 2 year period of time one would hear of instances when a female business executive, or manager, who posed an idea or solution to a complex business problem, would be considered “opinionated” - or much worse. Yet a male of the same rank and offering the same idea or solution would be considered for a promotion. The many struggles that these women of my life experienced moved me, and from this experience, I remain so moved to this day.
Moved by the experiences and testimonies that my mother and sisters expressed and endured, I passed through a few different phases; I was first emotionless, then poignant, and then outraged. At first, and for a very short time, I was rather indifferent. I thought these were just stories that “couldn’t not possibly be true;” how could they be? From there I moved to sympathetic; I felt remorseful for them. Then I was empathic; I deeply cared and wanted to help. I could not understand why those injustices continued unabated, injustices such as unequal pay, biased promotions, categorizing, and often belligerence. Fortunately, my father, himself an executive, was also empathic and gave respect, support, guidance, and advice when and where appropriate. Looking back I now realize now that mostly he listened. He and mother had raised us with a different World View, if you will – a radically different World View, especially for that period of time. One of their rearing methods employed delegating household chores to us with an end in mind. This end, and central difference, was that there was an obligation in my home for a blend of household tasks, duties and routines for each of us kids. For example, I often washed dishes, prepared the table for meals, washed the laundry, helped my father cook meals, and accompanied my father regularly to the grocery market. Similarly, my sisters would care for the lawn, wash the cars, and sometimes help change the motor oil. Today I appreciate my father’s example and the rearing my parents gave us in this area.
Someone once said that we basically have two choices in life; to accept things the way they are, or to accept the responsibility to change them. My choice was to accept the responsibility and create change – that is, as much as I could influence change in this area. And my response to these challenges was both immediate and lasting. In my youth, I began a personal campaign, as it were, and spoke to anyone who would listen about the injustices, prejudices, and unlawful acts that female businesspersons underwent. I made sure that that my managerial work was inclusive of diversity fully respecting individual Intersectionality. And I made a point; indeed it was my passion, to live these values in every area of my life.
Soon, it seemed, I became a father of three beautiful daughters, and to my surprise the prejudice and injustice that was alive in my youth was still alive in theirs. Recalling my earlier choice and requisite responsibility, I worked throughout my daughters’ rearing years to encourage them in all aspects of their lives, both personal and professional; I acknowledged and affirmed them. I worked to create for them a vision of equality in all areas of their lives. Quickly it seemed, I saw my daughters grow in confidence as they grew in years, outwardly untouched by this pervasive and engulfing prejudice. Today all three of my daughters are successful businesspersons determined in their diverse, yet unique missions, and unaffected by the struggles that I saw my mother and sisters endure.
Naturally, I am grateful for this experience and the valuable lesson I learned, certainly it was a Critical Moment in my life. And, oh, by the way, I continue in my campaign for equal rights and Social Justice even today; after all, I have granddaughters.
