Culturally, I am a baffled by the changing sexual roles of women. As a woman relatively new to the dating scene, frequently I am confused by the new social mores of dating. Take texting, sexting, emailing, and even phoning a potential date. When does a woman take the initiative and/or when does one lay low? Does one even let men take the lead or just wait for them to commence the process? Are there any guidelines to the appropriateness of sexting or other sexual communications when one has begun an intimate relationship?
Okay, I am showing my age with these questions but they are important to those of us over fifty. We are not used to the technology of dating, let alone the unwritten abstract guidelines for appropriate courtship behavior. For example, recently I met a nice man and we began the usual texting, emailing, and phoning relationship. His communiques were mostly respectful and polite but some of them were provocatively tinged with sexual innuendo or laced with erotic overtones. When is this acceptable and normal versus inappropriate and disrespectful?
For my generation, we are struggling with the immediacy of communication with the long term consequences of questionable content. Periodically I wonder what if some of the things I have written fell into the wrong hands (and I am not talking NSA here) or was used against me. How would I feel if intimate sexual communications were splayed on the internet for all to see? Of course, not being particularly approval oriented or modest, it probably wouldn't bother me. However, if my communications were altered or edited to portray me in a slanderous or degrading fashion, that would be another story. How does one navigate expression of feeling with the potential embarrassment of TMI?
Today I posted a compendium of several detailed carnal texts and emails a lover sent me. My intention was to share his creative finely worded missives describing his ardor and lust for me. Those emails and texts were not only well written but erotically charged. Because the graphic nature of the communications left nothing to the imagination, I wanted to throw caution to the wind and freely express my sexuality openly. I saw it as a liberated breakthrough. However, once I posted them, I decided to take them down after about an hour. Though my lover's name was never identified on them and no one would ever know who he was, I felt I may have betrayed his trust in me by posting them. I don't know whether this was right or wrong but for me it a matter of conscience. Too bad, they were hot.
So, as I grapple with all of this, I can't help but feel lost. Part of it has to do with trust, part of it has to do with creative expression, and another part of it has to do with censorship. Until I get some clarity on this, my druthers are less is better.
