JUROR #3

I was called Juror #3. Like most people, I had hoped some of the facts of my background would disqualify from jury duty but my fellow jury prospects had more baggage than an airplane. Along with twelve other jurors, I won this lottery and was selected foreperson because of my past trial experience. 

It was a circumstantial case involving a convicted felon who had been  arrested in a big narcotics raid for possession of crack cocaine, a loaded gun, and a box of ammunition. Initially I thought this to be a slam dunk case of not guilty due to overzealous narc squad wanting to bust a man who was most probably involved with distribution of drugs. All they got was a man with a loaded weapon and a gram of crack. Even though the defendant was previously caught doing illegal activities, I wanted to follow to follow the letter of the law and make the prosecutor convince me the evidence showed this beyond a reasonable doubt. 

For anyone who has not served on a jury, it is a daunting task. You are charged to sit in judgment of another person's life, deciding their fate. It is not like the legal shows one sees on TV. Conceptually, it is easy to think you can be fair but the gravity hits you when you are escorted to the jury room for deliberations. 

We had an good cross-section from our County of jurors who took their duty seriously. None of them walked in thinking or wanting this man to be guilty until everything had been dissected and carefully reviewed. I was elected foreperson due to my previous experience on a jury trial. All of my fellow jurors agreed with my proposed structure at how we can breakdown and discuss this case logically to more likely reach a unanimous verdict on all counts. It was of the utmost importance to me personally that each juror left there feeling their voice was heard and there opinion was crucial in reaching a consensus. This was this thoughtful jury who combed through every piece of evidence, reviewed the facts and discrepancies, and civilly discussed our conclusions as instructed by the judge according to law. Though I and another juror remained the most skeptical of the state's case was beyond a reasonable doubt case, when we had the testimony of a witness re-read back to us by the court reporter, my fellow juror and I discussed our shadow of a doubt suddenly was illuminated by refreshed testimony. The verdict was guilty.

This was my first guilty verdict trial. As I looked at the defendant and his family's dejected faces, I felt incredibly sad for all the suffering they had been through, especially for the elderly grandmother who raised him. Afterwards, I wondered about the story behind this story. At the very end, before we were dismissed, the judge advised us it would be best for us to lay this to rest and not explore this case further. I will never know the full story but believe twelve people did their best in determining a fair and impartial verdict. 

As I walked away, several jurors stopped to tell me what a good job I did as foreperson. This being their first trial, they thanked me for how thoughtful and adept I was at maneuvering them through the legal process to draw their own conclusions. They voiced being surprised that they felt more confidence in the judicial system after being part of it and were impressed that their participation was key. Knowing how seriously every one of the jurors took this responsibility, I share their confidence and believe the fundamental right to a fair trial by one's peers is the cornerstone of our democracy. It is a small price to pay to ensure justice for all.

Happy Thanksgiving

9 WAYS TO CULTIVATE GRATITUDE

1. 1
    
   Notice your day-to-day world from a point of gratitude and be amazed at all the goodness we take for granted. The video "A Good Day" from TEDxSF can get you in
   the right frame of mind.
 
2. 2
    
   Keep a gratitude journal. All it requires is noting one or more things you are grateful for on a daily basis. No fancy notebook, no computer program required.
 
3. 3
    
   If you identify something or someone with a negative trait (the cold conference room), switch it in your mind to a positive trait (the conference room with
   a great view).
4. 4
    
   Gratitude requires humility, which the dictionary defines as "modest and respectful." Explore where it fits in your life. The article"Humility: A Quiet, Underappreciated Strength"is a good start.
 
5. 5
    
   Give at least one compliment daily. It can
   be to a person or it can
   be asking someone to share your appreciation
   of something else ("I love how quiet it is in the morning, don’t you?").
 
6. 6
    
   When you find yourself
   in a bad situation ask:
   What can I learn? When
   I look back on this, without emotion, what will I be grateful for?
7. 7
    
   Vow to not complain, criticize, or gossip for 10 days. If you slip, rally your willpower and keep going. Notice the amount of energy you were spending on negative thoughts and actions.
 
8. 8
    
   Sound genuinely happy
   to hear from the people who call you on the phone. Whether the caller responds with surprise or delight, he’ll know you value speaking with him.
 
9. 9
    
   Become involved in a cause that is important
   to you. Donate money or time or talent. By joining in, you’ll gain greater appreciation for the organization, and it will appreciate you more, too.

-from Unstuck.com

THE 40TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE WRECK OF THE EDMUND FITZGERALD

"SS Edmund Fitzgerald was an American Great Lakes freighter that sank in a Lake Superior storm on November 10, 1975, with the loss of the entire crew of 29. When launched on June 7, 1958, she was the largest ship on North America's Great Lakes, and she remains the largest to have sunk there.

Carrying a full cargo of ore pellets with Captain Ernest M. McSorley in command, she embarked on her ill-fated voyage fromSuperior, Wisconsin, near Duluth, on the afternoon of November 9, 1975. En route to a steel mill near Detroit, Fitz joined a second freighter, SS Arthur M. Anderson. By the next day, the two ships were caught in a severe storm on Lake Superior, with near hurricane-force winds and waves up to 35 feet (11 m) high. Shortly after 7:10 p.m., Fitzgerald suddenly sank in Canadian waters 530 feet (160 m) deep, about 17 miles (15 nautical miles; 27 kilometers) from Whitefish Bay near the twin cities of Sault Ste. Marie, Michigan, and Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario—a distance Fitzgerald could have covered in two hours at her top speed. Although Fitzgerald had reported being in difficulty earlier, no distress signals were sent before she sank; Captain McSorley's last message to Anderson said, "We are holding our own." Her crew of 29 perished, and no bodies were recovered." -Wikipedia

The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald Lyrics

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vST6hVRj2A

The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they called 'Gitche Gumee'
The lake, it is said, never gives up her dead
When the skies of November turn gloomy
With a load of iron ore twenty-six thousand tons more
Than the Edmund Fitzgerald weighed empty.
That good ship and crew was a bone to be chewed
When the gales of November came early.

The ship was the pride of the American side
Coming back from some mill in Wisconsin
As the big freighters go, it was bigger than most
With a crew and good captain well seasoned
Concluding some terms with a couple of steel firms
When they left fully loaded for Cleveland
And later that night when the ship's bell rang
Could it be the north wind they'd been feelin'?

The wind in the wires made a tattle-tale sound
And a wave broke over the railing
And every man knew, as the captain did too,
T'was the witch of November come stealin'.
The dawn came late and the breakfast had to wait
When the Gales of November came slashin'.
When afternoon came it was freezin' rain
In the face of a hurricane west wind.

When suppertime came, the old cook came on deck sayin'.
Fellas, it's too rough to feed ya.
At seven p.m. a main hatchway caved in, he said
Fellas, it's been good t'know ya
The captain wired in he had water comin' in
And the good ship and crew was in peril.
And later that night when his lights went outta sight
Came the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

Does any one know where the love of God goes
When the waves turn the minutes to hours?
The searches all say they'd have made Whitefish Bay
If they'd put fifteen more miles behind her.
They might have split up or they might have capsized;
May have broke deep and took water.
And all that remains is the faces and the names
Of the wives and the sons and the daughters.

Lake Huron rolls, Superior sings
In the rooms of her ice-water mansion.
Old Michigan steams like a young man's dreams;
The islands and bays are for sportsmen.
And farther below Lake Ontario
Takes in what Lake Erie can send her,
And the iron boats go as the mariners all know
With the Gales of November remembered.

In a musty old hall in Detroit they prayed,
In the Maritime Sailors' Cathedral.
The church bell chimed till it rang twenty-nine times
For each man on the Edmund Fitzgerald.
The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they call 'Gitche Gumee'.
Superior, they said, never gives up her dead
When the gales of November come early!

Songwriters: LIGHTFOOT, GORDON

The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald lyrics © Moose Music Ltd.

In memory of the lives lost on this day forty years ago on Lake Superior.

Guy Fawkes Day: Remember, Remember the 5th of November

"Guy Fawkes Night, also known as Guy Fawkes Day, Bonfire Night and Firework Night, is an annual commemoration observed on 5 November, primarily in Great Britain. Its history begins with the events of 5 November 1605, when Guy Fawkes, a member of the Gunpowder Plot, was arrested while guarding explosives the plotters had placed beneath the House of Lords. Celebrating the fact that King James I had survived the attempt on his life, people lit bonfires around London, and months later the introduction of the Observance of 5th November Actenforced an annual public day of thanksgiving for the plot's failure.

Don't you Remember,
The Fifth of November,
'Twas Gunpowder Treason Day,
I let off my gun,
And made'em all run.
And Stole all their Bonfire away. (1742)"    -Wikipedia

DAY OF THE DEAD-ALL SOULS DAY

"Day of the Dead or Dia de los Muertos is a series of commemorative days dedicated to those who have died. It is celebrated generally between Halloween, Oct. 31 through Nov. 2, and coincides with the Catholic holy days of All Saints (Nov. 1) and All Souls (Nov. 2).

Families often come together over this period and preparations can be made during the entire year leading up to the Day of the Dead. This is a solemn occasion, with few actual festivities. Instead, people visit and repair graves of their dearly departed. It is common to light candles, leave offerings of prepared foods, often a favorite meal, and to pray and play music. Private altars are built as focal points for small, private religious observances. Small parties, or wakes, can be held in conjunction with the holidays. Celebrations can sometimes take a humorous tone, particularly if the deceased relative was known to enjoy humor. Poems can be read and public morality plays are sometimes performed." -Catholic Online

Gone are the days we truly remember the dead. Oh sure, we have Memorial weekend but that's more associated with the start of the summer season than a time to honor those we've lost. Once the grieving of a loved one fades from memory, we tend to only remember them on significant holidays. This is what makes All Souls Day or the Day of the Dead unique.

Today is the special day we remember all of them, how they contributed to our lives, and how much we miss their presence. We are encouraged to light candles, say prayers, and leave offerings. Celebrating their lives gives our lives more meaning. Today we talk to them, release our sorrow, ask for and receive forgiveness, and let them know their lives meant something. This is a powerful day of healing for both the living and the dead. 

"Réquiem ætérnam dona ei Dómine; et lux perpétua lúceat ei. Requiéscat (Requiéscant) in pace. Amen."

HOW I LOVE VAMPIRES!!!

HOW I LOVE GHOSTS!!!

HOW I LOVE WITCHES!!!

           

                                                                               

                                                                          

                                                                 

 

 

 

A Letter to an Adult Child Dealing with His Mother's Dementia

The following is a letter I wrote to a friend of my cousin's who has been struggling with his mother's rapid decline from a suspected vascular dementia. It touched me deeply to see this man tortured by watching a horrific cognitive decline which he was helpless to control. This was my response to him.

Dear K,

          I asked my cousin to send me your address because I wanted to lend you some support as you deal with your mother's health problems. It would be tempting to offer you my social work advice but I feel it is more important to offer you kind words and encouragement as you grapple with the uncertainty of your mother's decline.

         As a adult child who lived through my parent's deaths, I have the greatest empathy for what you must be going through. Watching your parent age and live through the declining years conjures up deep internal struggles involving saying good bye to the way it was. When my mother had her massive stroke, it felt like my whole world crumbled leaving me with an excruciating sense of helplessness and emotional pain. There is no way to prepare for or grapple with the emotional wake of parental illness. There were times I would burst into tears unexpectedly after my mother had her massive stroke-and I'm not a crying kind of woman. I wanted so desperately to protect her from the suffering she was experiencing. To watch as a bystander to her struggles was unbearable at times, especially knowing I was powerless to stop it. Anxiety, sadness, and feeling overwhelmed unfortunately comes with this territory-it is also known as grieving. Saying good bye to the mother who has always been there for you is agonizing.  I've heard it said that grieving shared is grieving halved. I do know a loving shoulder to cry on will help vent the build up of emotion. May you be comforted and find peace during this ordeal.

         No matter what happens to your mother, I know you will do your best to see she has the highest quality of care. She is blessed by having you as such a staunch advocate and loving son. Because she is cognizant of her rapid decline, she is a both a prisoner and victim of the cruelty of her disease. Please know that whether she can recognize this or not, you are providing her with alternatives to keep her safe and functioning. Unfortunately, she is like a drowning woman who doesn't realize what the life preserver thrown to her does. 

        But my concern remains with you because you are a witness to this and are the main decision maker. Sometimes this means you are in a no-win situation. I was with my mother when she had her final cardiac arrest and had to tell the arrest team to stop. To this day, many of my family members have not forgiven me for that decision. But she had told me (and only me) a few weeks before her death she did not want ever to be resuscitated. I have no regrets about this. Please do not regret or ruminate about the decisions you make to provide her with appropriate care. You truly are doing the best you can.

       Familial politics tend to complicate this landscape further. For example, when I was feeling sad about my mom, my sisters would be angry and upset. This tends to make one feel stranded and alone. So you are not only dealing with a lovely mother who is disabled but a family trying to come to grips their issues in their own way. There is no template for the right way to deal with this.

       You are not alone. Your support system will be invaluable as you put one foot in front of another. Those of us who have been through this will know what you are dealing with and will offer our strength to you as cope with each step along the way. Remember to be kind to yourself, give yourself a break, allow yourself to grieve these changes, and ask for help when you need it. You can always count on me. 

The Battle of Armageddon (a guest blog by Robyn)

After talking to a gifted blogging friend, I decided to give this blogging thing a try. Perhaps this is a way for me to become part of the Greater Good, by writing my thoughts and perceptions and be immortalized in "The Net Land" of the World Wide Web.

As a result of this nudge from my friend and my Higher Self, I was finally able to choose a topic that was meaningful for me. As a devoted and passionate student of metaphysical teachings, spirituality and world religions/philosophies, I am always looking for the Golden Thread that is true for all humanity throughout the ages. This may be an impossible feat and a journey that continues with no end, I proceed relentlessly in this pursuit regardless. As a result, I am now choosing to share some ideas and insights that have been developed from my personal journey. 

One of the themes focused on is the constant unrest in the Middle East and other parts of the world.  Such mindless killing and dissension. Why is this happening? Why does this primitive mind set continue to plague mankind? There appears to be a delicate balance as our beautiful magnificent planet hangs so mysteriously in the Universe. Unfortunately, as a result of the treacherous ongoing battles we humans create for ourselves, we may be on the edge of distinction as a result of our own ignorance and mis-understanding. Some of my questions are, "Why are we like this?", "What is the purpose?", and “What are we supposed to learn?”

Why all the pain, suffering and injustice? Why? Why? Why?

At one point in my consideration of these matters, my mind went to explore the Biblical idea of the Battle of Armageddon. What was found from these considerations is that maybe the battle is not about what happens in the outer world, but what is actually going on inside of us. Perhaps the real battle is the healing of our own hearts and minds from judgement, jealousy, anger, pride, exclusivity, negativity, believing our way is the only way, etc. 

Perhaps when we make Peace in our own hearts and minds, we are doing our part to make Peace on Earth. The idea of "Being in Love" in the world as a loving being, not necessarily in a romantic sense, but by creating a strong loving presence, as we navigate our way throughout the life, will create a domino effect, a paradigm shift helping our species heal itself. My belief is that this happens when we carry an awareness and consciousness of Peace throughout the market place. Not just with our family and friends, but actually carrying ourselves as a beacon of light and love in the world, by sharing that energy and consciousness as we go about our lives in unconditional love. In my belief we are a reflection of each other. We are one race, one species.

Furthermore, this does not mean we accept poor and dangerous behavior, or by intentionally putting ourselves in harm’s way, but by learning to love unconditionally, in spite of the negative appearances or circumstances. We learn to avoid aggression by turning the other cheek, which actually means to look at things from another angle and to avoid conflict if at all possible. Of course when necessary we defend ourselves, or help out if possible at the level we are of which we are capable. However, sometimes it is also important to know how to step aside and move on, so as not to fuel the flame of dissent.    

By remembering simple principles like the Golden Rule, "Love your neighbor as yourself". To "Love only the neighbor that agrees with me or looks like me", but humankind in all its diversity. We then learn to celebrate and honor differences in others, as well as what is unique inside of ourselves. Maybe if we all understood this concept and were able to actually do this internal work, the world would heal itself through us naturally. Maybe we can collectively create Heaven on Earth by doing our work from the inside out, thus allowing ourselves to enjoy our similarities while celebrating our diversity and keeping things interesting.  

A Lifeless Body in the Park

While taking my regular weekend hike in my local park, I noticed an emergency vehicle blocking the main trail. From behind the vehicle I noticed two runners in the distance which led me to conclude the trails were closed for a race. My heart sank when an EMT person came up to me and told me to leave immediately and pointed to a dead body on the grass.

Even as a Buddhist, it is a shock for me to come across death so unexpectedly. The body was covered, so I did not know if it was a man or woman, a jogger, a walker, or someone who ran into some unfortunate circumstance. As I turned and walked away, I said a Buddhist prayer for this unknown person who had no idea this was their last day on the planet. Later, a friend emailed me to tell me the body was that of a man shot to death. He was only 44 years old.

Seeing a dead person is a poignant reminder how capricious life can be. We run around all day worrying about this and that with no thought to how important these things are in the scheme of life. What seems like solidified problems disappear in the face of death.

I wonder about this man, his loved ones, and what events happened leading up to his passing. He died on a beautiful grassy knoll, left like a discarded piece of trash. There is still no news about who he was or what the circumstances were surrounding his death. I think about the shock for his loved ones having to deal with a violent death. The surreal gravity of his horrific demise will haunt them for the rest of their lives. He was not the only victim on that grassy knoll yesterday.

The stark picture of him lying motionless on the ground has imprinted a powerful visual in my head. Though I am not a stranger in dealing with death, I am in awe at how unprepared we all are when death coming knocking at our doors (or on our hikes). Conceptually, it is easy to grasp the reality of death. But in actuality, in experiencing the reality of happening upon a corpse while enjoying a sunny August day, I woke up. I woke up to the fact that the universe sends us messages in usual ways.

It has been interesting to discuss about this episode with my friends. The stories they gleaned from my sparse facts are a sign of how easy it is to have biases. Most assumed it was a man, probably homeless, and involved in some drug deal gone bad. Somehow portraying this man as a willing accomplice in his death made it seem reasonable as to why he got shot. But we really do not yet know what happened and maybe we may never know. While the event made me more circumspect, they reacted with fear over my safety when hiking the park. It didn't occur to me to be fearful, only sad that this person died on the lawn of a park with no one there to comfort him in his final minutes.

No one wants to think they will exit this earth without any time to say good bye. No one thinks at 44 years of age they will die on a park lawn. And everyone thinks there still is time.

11-year-old Rape Victim Gives Birth

CNN)An 11-year-old girl who was allegedly raped by her stepfather has given birth to a healthy baby girl in Asunción, Paraguay.

Thursday's birth -- in a case that has ignited a fierce debate over a Paraguayan law banning abortions except in cases where the pregnancy endangers the mother's life -- was confirmed by Asunción Red Cross Director Mario Villalba.

In the mostly Catholic country, 684 girls between the ages of 10 and 14 gave birth last year. Most of the minors had been victims of sexual abuse, according to government figures. -CNN News

Social and emotional development

• The world is becoming a more complex place for the child who is beginning puberty.
• Your ten and eleven year old may well have a ‘best’ friend with whom they share activities, but at the same time relationships at school will begin to be more complicated, competitive and changeable. This can be particularly true of girls whose group relationships tend to be more up and down than the boys. Boys seem to be more focused on the details of what they are doing rather than with whom they are doing it.
• By eleven your child is much more interested in, and affected by, the norms of their friends and you may see the first flutter of independent wings. They may begin to worry that their clothes aren’t ‘cool’ enough and at the same time lose interest in family activities [picnics, outings, holidays] that they adored and needed at nine. 
• This can be a difficult time for some parents, particularly mothers, as their children become more independent and less welcoming of the love and care they have been pleased to receive over the past eleven years.
• Although eleven and twelve year olds may begin to start wanting to do things more independently, and they do need to stretch their wings a little bit, they are certainly not as capable of dealing with the world as some of them would have you believe or as they sometimes think themselves, so it is good to check out situations to make sure they are safe before they go off on their own.  From the "Women's and Childrens Health Network"

What are milestones in psychological and emotional development for tweens?

The tween age range can be filled with anxiety. The development of real fears (such as kidnappings, war, violence) replaces fantasy fears (such as witches, monsters, boogie man). The development of delayed gratification is a consequence of the realization that current events may impact the future. The 9- to 11-year-old starts down the path of self-identity, independence, and development of moral values that will mark the teen years. The importance of "group identity" is established.- From Medicine.Net

THINGS I KNOW ABOUT AQUARIANS

Yes, I do know Aquarians well. 

• Both my oldest sister (one of my terminal sibs) and first husband (deceased) were born in Aquarius a day apart (Jan 25th & 26th) in the same year (1948). They were unique but very opposite in spite of being born within hours of one another.
• Aquarians are strong thinkers, known for their independent, adventurous spirit.
• Aquarians are air signs-they live in their heads (mostly intuitive thinkers). Underneath all that intellectualization is a heart, but it plays second fiddle to all that intense internal ideation.
• Aquarians love thinking, freedom, flight, anything innovative, and the abstract.
• Being an Aquarian will give one a certain amount of karmic leverage because Aquarius is associated with social justice. Absolving karmic debt through equanimity is one of their greatest strengths.
• Aquarians rarely have their feet on the ground. However, without Aquarians there would not be as many eureka moments, champions of the downtrodden, inspired creations, inventive genius, or brilliant scholars.
• Aquarians top the charts for iconoclasts. Of course, no one has to tell them that. All of them believe, to some extent, that they are so exceptional that are almost a different species.
• Most Aquarian males have the strong tendency to royally piss off all the women with whom they have been in a relationship. One can never win or be 'right' with them. Although I must say, at times they gracefully pretend to concede which makes them look almost believable. 
• Their need for unencumbered freedom means the chance of having a defined, traditional relationship with them is about as likely as getting hit by lightning. Whatever relationship you have is a concoction of what they perceive is ideal for their lofty sense of reality. 
• Aquarian's charismatic sense of humor enables them to deftly smooth ruffled feathers, make mad faces smile, and gives them a powerful weapon especially when dealing with the wrath of the female gender.
• They skillfully know how to create a hypnotizing reality and are shocked when people question it.  
• Aquarians frequently mistake themselves for royalty, someone historically important, or people who are so incredibly special that life's silly rules do not apply to them.
• Aquarians are represented by the "Fool" in Tarot (cards). The Fool is the highest card in Tarot and begins it with the number zero. Zero represents Creator. The Fool is guided by a path no one else can fathom. In Tarot, he represents the summa cum laude of wisdom. He symbolizes the ability to forge one's one destiny by defying the odds and trusting in one's intuition.
• The best way to get along with an Aquarian is to give them plenty of space, try not to grasp or hold onto their airiness, realize sometimes they do land back on earth, and remind them gently that we are all mere humans. 

Remembering the Loves We've Lost

Today is Memorial Day, summer's season of warmth and light.
How contrary a day to recognize those whose shining presence have passed.
Flowers will be brought to the cemetery. Tears will be shed.
Our hearts ache with painful longing. We feel the emotional vacuum left behind.
We will honor those felled by combat as well as those felled by life.

Know our grief is not empty. Know their lives were not in vain.
Their legacy remains in our hearts and memories.
With gratitude, we keep their contributions to us as a perpetual comfort.
In stillness we recognize even their weaknesses gave us strength.
Honoring them is to live life more fully, buoyed by their spirit.

On this day intended to remember lives lost, we also remind ourselves of the love they imparted to us. By releasing our armor and opening our hearts we never lose their presence. 

In recognition of all those who have died, I bless them by reciting the Phowa:

"Through your blessing, grace and guidance,
 through the power of the light that streams from you:

 May all of your negative karma, destructive emotions, obscurations, and 
 blockages be purified and removed.

 May you know yourself forgiven for all the harm you may have thought and done.

 And through the triumph of your death, may you be able to benefit all other   
 beings, living and dead."

Smiles of Summer's First Night

Radiating through violet shadows

resplendent rays of moonlit charm

Smiles of a summer night. -Rajlakshmi

Oh to revel in the arms of one so cherished

Carelessly abandoning reason for tenderness.

Swept away by the preciousness of the moment

Fearlessly diving off the precipice of apprehension.

All considerations, misgivings, and trepidation disappear

Dissolved by an intuitive excitement,  

Enticing and inspiring an organic passion,

Leaving the speechless awestruck.

The smiles of summer's first night

Signals the verdant promise of cultivation.

Melding the heart's desire with mindful intent,

Brilliantly creating a mystical lightness of being.

Oh to revel in a union so pure

Attesting to the benevolent grace

Of a sacred summer smile 

Connecting heart, mind, and soul.

Rest in Peace BB King

Thank you BB King. As a young white child from a very racist community, you were a beacon of light. Listening to your music changed my life. By showering me with your deep heart-drawn blues, you made me realize how powerful music is in combating racism. It also reinforced how wrong racism is, making me a lone child speaking for equality in an unequal world. You sang and played your Lucille with such profound depth, I could not imagine how anyone could not relating to the humanity of your music.

The thrill you gave is gone but we will always remember you as the master of the blues. Thank you for your presence and all the joy you gave us with your music. 

Rest in Peace, BB King, Majesty of the Blues.

A Meal of Teasing, Ridicule, Shame, and Humiliation

How subtly the appetizer tastes,
A humorous wisp of criticism delighting as a tease.
Say it with goodwill and it is perceived as a clever joke
Imbue it with hostility and its sting evokes grimaces.

Escalating with the first course is contempt,
Served on a silver tray of ridicule.
The jarring jaded cynicism spread with intent
Derides, mocks, and scorns with impunity.

Smiling through the double entendres
Delivered with a surgical precision,
Designed to injure without blood,
Ridicule sabotages by calcifying dignity.

What would a main course be without shame?
Ignominy displayed with an impeccable presentation
Lays down stigmatic memories in its cruel wake
Rendering a plate of internal torment.

Dessert is chilled by schadenfreude.
The wicked delight in the guilty pleasure
Watching misfortune beset those deemed deserving
Smirking as the raped call out to be released.

How pitiless the soul rotted by injury
Whose festering wound brews
The frozen rage beneath their icy breast
By a meal so tainted with poison.

To Those with No Romance on Valentine's Day

Despair not, my sisters and brothers
Pining for love's tender romantic embrace.
For on this day dedicated to toujours l'amour,
Look to those who love unconditionally.

How often we overlook
The supportive caller, the sympathetic listener,
Being graced with laughter and frivolity,
By ones who carefully tend to us.

Touched by their warmth of acceptance,
Our ties grow stronger and deeper.
True romance it might not be,
Yet it satiates our souls completely.

Today on Valentine's Day,
I will recognize my non-romantic relationships,
By showering those who love me
With the affection they richly deserve.

Contrition as a Precursor to Letting Go

It's a New Year with a promise for new attitudes; a time for out with the old and in with the new. Shiny, new, and exuberant beats forlorn, weary, and dull anytime. Getting to the new with such enthusiastic hope requires a journey of a thousand obstacles. Easily writing down those New Year's resolutions is empowering until action is required. Those pesky obstacles unexpectedly rear their ugly heads summoning us to rethink change as desirous.

What really stands between you and what you want? Simple, all the reasons you can't have what you want. Reasons equate with excuses interpreted as rationalizations, leading to a suspension of disbelief. So, is it the emotional attachment to being vindicated or the thrill of high drama superseding avoidance of our real problems that justify not changing? Secondary gain is always suspect but not usually acknowledged. Overcoming inertia requires an act of movement. A friend of mine calls it, "moving your chi".

But how does one move one's chi when one is stuck? By letting go. How does one let go? My favorite way is do say the time worn act of contrition. Yes it sounds so parochial, but by letting go of what you think you contributed to what presently is haunting your life builds momentum for having the space to change.

"Contrition or contriteness (from the Latin contritus 'ground to pieces', i.e. crushed by guilt) is sincere and complete remorse for sins  (Sorry, I think the word 'sin' is laden with shame-based interpretations. I prefer  to substitute behavior or words.) one has committed. The remorseful person is said to be contrite. Etymologically it implies a breaking of something that has become hardened."   -Wikipedia

Don't we all armor up when we are 'ground to pieces' by ill thought out words or offensive behavior? Isn't our knee jerk reaction to become defensive? Whether it is by our hand or by someone else, seeing your part in the process, being contrite, doing penance, and making restitution enables what has become hardened to soften.

What is penance?  "The word penance derives from Old French and Latin poenitentia, both of which derive from the same root meaning repentance, the desire to be forgiven (in English see contrition). Penance and repentance, similar in their derivation and original sense, have come to symbolize conflicting views of the essence of repentance, arising from the controversy as to the respective merits of 'faith' and 'good works'." -Wikipedia

Penance is absolution made manifest. It is declaring your part in whatever drove the offense and feeling heartily sorry-not just sorry because you got caught. You feel what it's done to you and/or whomever you hurt. Actively engaging in this process begins to move chi. But it's not enough to feel sorrow or regret, one has to put energy into loosening up its hold by making amends or restitution. Saying one is sorry is easy but to actually convince oneself or others that the act will not be repeated takes commitment. Breaking the repetition compulsion means demonstrating you get what drove the behavior, admitting the mistake, seeking forgiveness, preventing recurrence, and symbolically doing an act which clearly indicates you want to let it all go.

Here's to all committed to making a fresh start for 2015.