In Search of the Perfect Soul Mate

While musing about whether there is such a thing as a soul mate, I came across this website with characteristics of a soul mate. Since I couldn't remember what website it came from, I cannot reference it here. Regardless if one is looking for a soul mate or companion, I liked the author's list. Enjoy.

1. You just know it.

Something deep inside tells you this is the perfect one for you. It’s as if there is a spiritual force pushing you to let go of everything you previously expected and to give of yourself completely.

2. You have crossed paths before.

Soulmates have met each other and a previous time. You may not have connected, but you were in the same place, at the same time. There is a sense you have lived another lifetime together.

3. Your souls meet at the right time.

Each person has to be ready to receive the soul connection. You have to be prepared to meet your soulmate. It could be that you have to go through a relationship that doesn’t work out, or that you’re not ready to ditch your “perfect person checklist,” but when it comes to soulmates- timing is everything.

4. Your quiet space is a peaceful place.

Being quiet together is comforting like a fluffy down blanket on a cold winter night. Whether you are reading in the same room, or driving in the car, there’s a quiet peace between you.

5. You can hear the other person’s silent thoughts.

With soulmates, there is such depth to your relationship that you can feel and hear what your partner is thinking, even if it is not verbally expressed. Sometimes you can sense it when you are miles apart.

6. You feel each other’s pain.

You stand in each other’s shoes. You know each other so well, that you can instantly read each other well. You feel each other’s feelings: sadness, worry, and stress. And you share each other’s happiness and joy. You comfort each other in times of sadness and revel in each other's happiness.

7. You know each other’s flaws and the benefits in them.

Yes, it’s true. Our flaws have benefits. Every trait has a positive as well as a negative side. It’s the task of each person to always look for the good, even when things don’t look so good. There is usually a benefit to each flaw. You learn to appreciate what it brings to the relationship and learn to work with it.

8.  You share the same life goals.

You’re both on the same page with values, ethics, and goals. You may have a different way of reaching those goals, but you both want the same end result for each other. 

9. You’re not afraid of having a conversation.

Conversations can be challenging, especially revolving around differences. Expressing emotional issues or attempting to make decisions is frequently uncomfortable but also cathartic. Soulmates know that transparency and open communication are critical to compromise and  join together, they will be able to work it out. 

10. You are not threatened by the need for alone time.

You respect each other’s need for independence, knowing that when you get together, your time alone is special. 

 11. You don’t experience jealousy.

No one poses a jealous threat to your relationship. You are secure knowing your partner implicitly is trustworthy because you are as well.

 12. You respect each other’s differences and opinions.

You know you have different opinions. Often soulmates are polar opposite. At times this is challenging. These are the times when you are being forced to let the other person complete you. You still have your own opinion, but instead of agreeing to disagree, there is a deep level of respect for each other. You listen and honor the differences.

13. You don’t scream, curse, or threaten each other with separation.

Of course you feel the anger. People unintentionally hurt each other. But soulmates aren’t nasty, hurtful, vindictive, or punitive.

14. You give in because you want to make your partner happy.

Giving can often occur in unhealthy, co-dependent, or abusive relationships. But soulmates give to each other for the sole purpose of making each other happy.

15. You know how to apologize.

It’s not easy to say “I’m sorry” or admit that you did something that hurt the person you love. Soulmates realize that their actions or words cause harm. Even if they feel justified in their point of view, if their partner was hurt by it, they can easily apologize for the harm they have caused.

16. You would do it all over again.

You know this is the one and only one for you. Even through the tough times, you would choose your partner again. You feel a sense of pride in your partner.

17. You complement each other.

Yes, I’m sorry to say it but, your partner fills in your blanks. No person is perfect. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Soulmates complement each other. It’s the yin and yang of perfect harmony. One person may be the extrovert, while one is the introvert. One may be social, while the other a homebody. Soulmates are often opposite that are attracted to a person who has their missing pieces.

18. Being in each other’s arms washes away all your stress, worries, and anxiety.

There is no place you’d rather be at the end of the day but in each other’s arms. If you had a rough day filled with disagreements, a fight with your boss or if you missed the train, whatever happened is gone the second you cuddle up together. There is a warmth in your heart, an inner peace you can feel. No words need to be spoken. All that exists is the silent satisfied union of two souls together.





A Mid-Winter's Melancholia

"Melancholia (from Greek μελαγχολία melancholia "sadness", literally black bile), also lugubriousness, from the Latin lugere, to mourn; moroseness, from the Latin morosus, self-willed, fastidious habit; wistfulness, from old English wist: intent, or saturnine, was a concept in ancient and pre-modern medicine. Melancholy was one of the four temperaments matching the four humours. In the 19th century, "melancholia" could be physical as well as mental, and melancholic conditions were classified as such by their common cause rather than by their properties."    <sup>- Wikipedia

There we have it. Our bilious self-induced mid-winter blues come from lack of will, habitual criticism, escapist daydreaming, being wistful, and indulging in perpetual mourning. This doesn't sound to humourous to me.
According to this definition, melancholia can also be physical. I wonder what that feels like. Could I call in sick with physical melancholia?</sup>

 "Melancholia was described as a distinct disease with particular mental and physical symptoms in the 5th and 4th centuries BC. Hippocrates, in his Aphorisms, characterized all "fears and despondencies, if they last a long time" as being symptomatic of melancholia. When a patient could not be cured of the disease it was thought that the melancholia was a result of demonic possession." -Wikipedia

FYI: demonic possession is not an acceptable excuse to call in sick. Brazen satanic wannabes who try this end up exorcised out of employment. You'd be better off calling in with fears and despondencies.

"Melancholic depression, or depression with melancholic features, is a DSM-IV subtype of clinical depression requiring at least one of the following symptoms:
-Anhedonia (the inability to find pleasure in things)
-Lack of mood reactivity (i.e. mood does not improve in response to positive events)
And at least three of the following:
-Depression that is subjectively different from grief or loss
-Severe weight loss or loss of appetite
-Psychomotor agitation or retardation
-Early morning awakening
-Guilt that is excessive
-Worse mood in the morning"  -Wikipedia

For some reason I have always loved the word anhedonia. It so aptly describes Monday morning, dieting, and staying too long in an unfulfilling relationship. These three alone or in combination always lead to mood reactivity. Is mood reactivity a way of being or a lifestyle choice? And why does hedonism get a bad rap as well as anhedonia?

I like it that one gets to choose from a menu of melancholia options. I'll take the guilt with a side of psychomotor retardation and depression. BTW: is there ever guilt that is not excessive? If one awakens at night can one avoid feeling worse in the morning?

The good news is melancholia may get you up earlier, help you shed a few unwanted pounds, and give you the energy via psychomotor agitation to get some of those tasks you've avoided done.

Can a Mercury Retrograde in Aquarius be Kind?

Time again for the spinning backwards of our planet of communication, Mercury, from January 21st to February 11th. For those of you like me exalted in Mercury, it is an unusually testy time. Communications go haywire, travel gets delayed, and electronics tend to go on the fritz. But there is a positive side to Mercury retrograde-it is a pause, a time of reflection, and a chance to rethink our best laid plans.

We begin our new year with the first of three Mercury retrogrades in Aquarius. Coming on the heels of the New Moon, this retrograde will give us cause to reevaluate our next quantum leap. Being in the zodiacs most innovative sign, ideas generated during this time could spark solutions where are genius can shine. We are not just ready for something new but for something life changing. This retrograde will give us the cerebral fortitude to examine what has not worked, prime our psyches for what will, and give us the equilibrium to decide when to enact our next step.

The message of this new lunation is to tap into your greatest strengths and begin the process of  actualizing your dreams. This is not the time to launch but to prepare. What are you ready for?

The Aquarian New Supermoon, January 20th

 

After the January Full Moon in Aries wrecked havoc earlier this month, we now have a wonderful supermoon at 0 degrees in wistful Aquarius on January 20th at 5:13am PDT. Too bad we cannot see its full glory. This is the third New Moon in a row at zero degrees. Delighting us further, another Aquarian New Moon will greet us next month on February 18th. Aquarius is associated with profound air changing energy, nonconformity, and philosophy. Get ready for a thoughtful but rousing New Moon thrust.

 

Be prepared to end one cycle and start another. This means you. But it is not just the beginning but a transformation of how you will look at your life. The dour rank and file you see as impediments will surprisingly yield to your cooperative spirit. A new sense of collaboration is in the air. People you see as rigid will become amenable. Ideas will flow. Evolutionary leaps of insight will combine with a desire to activate vision. Doors once thought closed will inch open. The theme of this lunation is activation.

 

There is a tie-in with this New Moon and the eclipse which occurred last October on the 23rd. Think about what shaped your life then and how it is related to what is going on now. You may be available and willing to deal with now you could or would not then. Taking a second look is advantageous now, especially because you will be seeing them with a more global perspective.

 

On the heels of this New Moon is Mercury retrograde from January 21st to February 11th. The retrograde motion of Mercury in Aquarius will give us time to reexamine our motives, plans, and goals. The pause will do us all good. More on Mercury retrograde in a few days.

 

Happy Birthday, Aquarians!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Contrition as a Precursor to Letting Go

It's a New Year with a promise for new attitudes; a time for out with the old and in with the new. Shiny, new, and exuberant beats forlorn, weary, and dull anytime. Getting to the new with such enthusiastic hope requires a journey of a thousand obstacles. Easily writing down those New Year's resolutions is empowering until action is required. Those pesky obstacles unexpectedly rear their ugly heads summoning us to rethink change as desirous.

What really stands between you and what you want? Simple, all the reasons you can't have what you want. Reasons equate with excuses interpreted as rationalizations, leading to a suspension of disbelief. So, is it the emotional attachment to being vindicated or the thrill of high drama superseding avoidance of our real problems that justify not changing? Secondary gain is always suspect but not usually acknowledged. Overcoming inertia requires an act of movement. A friend of mine calls it, "moving your chi".

But how does one move one's chi when one is stuck? By letting go. How does one let go? My favorite way is do say the time worn act of contrition. Yes it sounds so parochial, but by letting go of what you think you contributed to what presently is haunting your life builds momentum for having the space to change.

"Contrition or contriteness (from the Latin contritus 'ground to pieces', i.e. crushed by guilt) is sincere and complete remorse for sins  (Sorry, I think the word 'sin' is laden with shame-based interpretations. I prefer  to substitute behavior or words.) one has committed. The remorseful person is said to be contrite. Etymologically it implies a breaking of something that has become hardened."   -Wikipedia

Don't we all armor up when we are 'ground to pieces' by ill thought out words or offensive behavior? Isn't our knee jerk reaction to become defensive? Whether it is by our hand or by someone else, seeing your part in the process, being contrite, doing penance, and making restitution enables what has become hardened to soften.

What is penance?  "The word penance derives from Old French and Latin poenitentia, both of which derive from the same root meaning repentance, the desire to be forgiven (in English see contrition). Penance and repentance, similar in their derivation and original sense, have come to symbolize conflicting views of the essence of repentance, arising from the controversy as to the respective merits of 'faith' and 'good works'." -Wikipedia

Penance is absolution made manifest. It is declaring your part in whatever drove the offense and feeling heartily sorry-not just sorry because you got caught. You feel what it's done to you and/or whomever you hurt. Actively engaging in this process begins to move chi. But it's not enough to feel sorrow or regret, one has to put energy into loosening up its hold by making amends or restitution. Saying one is sorry is easy but to actually convince oneself or others that the act will not be repeated takes commitment. Breaking the repetition compulsion means demonstrating you get what drove the behavior, admitting the mistake, seeking forgiveness, preventing recurrence, and symbolically doing an act which clearly indicates you want to let it all go.

Here's to all committed to making a fresh start for 2015.

One Year of Atira Aura

Today marks my first anniversary of blogging. Mind you, when I started last year, my desire was only to blog to fuel my creative side. As I got into the writing, I found it liberating to express myself in a variety of ways uncensored. (Though I find censoring myself is my biggest struggle.) This year of writing also coincided with my major transformation involving the return to being sexual after ten years of celibacy, a major job change, and losing forty pounds. I am not the same Atira Aura as I was a year ago.

Documenting my return to dating and being sexual was not something I had intended but looking back, I am glad that I did. For anyone who has been celibate any length of time, diving into sex and relationships especially when one is older, is daunting. Chronicling this process helped me to see and deal with the emotional, psychological, and physical realities of commingling again. I also hoped it helped others struggling with breaking out of sexual isolation. Over New Years I reviewed my journal from the past year. Grappling with the new technological dating process was bewildering, frustrating, and downright depressing at times. For all the communication avenues available to us at this moment in history, it seems as if less is being expressed and understood. Frequently I felt out of whack, wondering and second guessing myself. Don't get me wrong: there were a number of blissful times but they were fleeting. As for now, at least temporarily, I have returned to my spinster ways.

The forty pound weight loss was not for vanity but for health reasons. Slowly but surely I was becoming diabetic. In an effort to stave off this disease, I embarked on a three year program of profound change in diet, supplements, and exercise. Though I had been losing weight all along, it became visually evident this year. I now look like an entirely different woman. Suddenly, people in the building I work, not just in my department, starting coming up to me in the hallway telling me how wonderful I looked. When people say these sort of things, they obviously don't realize they are also telling you you didn't look okay heavier. Another curious effect of losing weight is people feeling compelled to touch me, hug me, and talk to me about my transformation. Being an introvert, I find this invasive but I have had to learn to tolerate these social interactions.

My job change, initiated at the behest of our contractor Chief, has not gone well. Because of my strategic abilities, global understanding of how our system works, and excellent solution orientation, I was appointed to this new position without the option of refusal. As with most bureaucracies, they did not listen to any of my honed strategic proposals or solutions. It does not give me any satisfaction to be right, but I can't help but think how foolish they were not to listen to me. It came back to bite them in the ass big time. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, isn't it? Just like most bureaucracies, power struggles, poor resource management, bad judgment, and no accountability fester in a crazy from the top down management. I have written about the deterioration of the workplace. My place of employment would be textbook. Retirement will not come too early for me.

What will 2015 bring? Hopefully, more creative blogs.

The Dog Days of January

January bites like its bitter freezing wind

Summoning dreams of balmy summer days.

The dog days of January are similar to an August lake

choked with weeds.

Only the weeds of January are icicles.