Forgiveness is
a loaded word bogged down by actions most of us deem unacceptable. We equate
forgiveness with letting someone off the hook, releasing the perpetrator from
culpability, forgetting the pain they inflicted, feeling the offender has not
been punished as much as we have, and so on. If I forgive my ex-husband for the
years of hell he put me through by financially bankrupting me, he gets off scot
free. That does not seem fair. But this is not about forgiveness, it is about
being stuck in rage.
“Untransformed
rage can become a constant mantra about how oppressed, hurt, and tortured we
were. …Rage corrodes our trust that
anything good can occur. Something has happened to hope. And behind the loss of
hope is usually anger; behind anger, pain; behind pain, usually torture of one
sort or another, sometimes recent, but more often from long ago.” –Clarissa
Pinkola Estes
What does
Jungian therapist, Clarissa Pinkola Estes, recommend for handling rage:
·
Patience; recognize it; transform the fire into
right action
·
Use anger as a creative force; bless it
·
Seek calm and the inner healer; contain it
·
Make a connection with a higher power
·
Forgiveness; release it
How does one
forgive? By the stages of forgiveness.
·
To forego-to leave it alone
·
To forebear-to abstain from punishing
·
To forget-to aver from memory, to refuse to
dwell
·
To forgive-to abandon the debt.
Easier said
than done. The biggest impediment to letting go: “If I lose my rage, I will be
changed; I will be weaker. (The first premise is correct, but the conclusion is inaccurate.)” -Clarissa Pinkola Estes
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