Happy Father's Day

      Today we honor the paternal energy men have brought to their children's lives. Nowadays, with the high divorce rate and more women raising children without the benefit of male energy, we are sadly diminishing the importance of the father as a role model in our culture. Fatherhood critically defines important aspects of a child's life because it brings the yang which women, no matter how independently we think we can raise children without men, sometimes do not understand as vital in the global development in personality, perception, and life choices.

      Even though my father was a man fraught with character flaws, he had an extraordinary impact on my life. From the time I can remember, one of the things he would constantly say to me is, 'I will never lay a hand on you and I never want any man to ever lay a hand on you either. Promise me that you will never let any man hit you.' To this day no one, even when I worked with violent patients in psych and felonious criminals in Voc Rehab, has ever hit me.

     Ironically I credit my rageaholic father for teaching me about de-escalation and the importance of nonviolence as it pertains to women. He was a man constantly at odds with agitated depression. Because of this, he frequently was prone to loud outbursts over simple requests. Whenever I would ask him for something innocuous, his response would be a resounding menacing, 'NO!". For some reason, I never was afraid of his obstreperous ways and would continue to pester him sweetly until he would relent with, 'go ask your mother'. In my father's language, that always meant 'yes'. This was an incredible gift to me because I learned to never accept 'no' as the first answer when anyone says this to me. It may sound bizarre, but I always ask multiple times when people say no to me thinking, like my father, I have a shot at finally getting to 'yes'. He also taught me how verbal pronouncements can contradict behavior. Not many adult children can see how the negative aspects of their parents made invaluable contributions to their lives.

     So, Happy Father's Day to all of you fathers. Know that you greatly influence and impact your children's lives.

     In loving memory of my father, Joseph, who has been physically but not spiritually absent from
 my life for twenty-four years.