Missive to a Fearful Man

Mon Chere,

        A good intuitive knows the most powerful communications are not about what has been said but what has not been said. Silence. The quiet stillness speaks volumes about affect and intent. For me, it is when I absorb the context words cannot convey. Your hesitation and apprehension tells me a story. The story is about a man conflicted between hope and fear. Great literature and poetry are filled with stories of people who arrive at this crossroad asking them to make a choice between their heart and their head. In Tarot, this crossroad is personified by a card called the hanged man.  The hanged man depicts a man with halo aura hung upside down by one leg with hands behind his back.  It is interpreted as one of pure belief who has arrived at the crossroads he created. The cross symbolizes his belief system, the hands behind his back is his vulnerability, and being hung by the leg with the other leg perpendicular represents he will not die but prostrate himself for outworn concepts or unrequited idealism. Literally he is hung up. Being suspended by his own beliefs, he is free at any time to use his hands to get down from the cross. Will he or won't he?
       When I started this quest in January I was at such a crossroad. After years of solidified beliefs about the way I thought my life was going to be, I was hung upside down to examine if this was the life I deserved. I was thrown this curve ball so I could not go back to my emotional solitary confinement. I do not like being hung upside down by my own hand but it has gotten my attention. In Buddhism, this is called waking up. Whether I wanted to or not, I have awoken to the very obstacles which have prevented me from having a love which nourishes the soul. Confronting these hurdles required me to put down the microscope and pick up a mirror. What I saw made me sad and a bit frightened. As a result, the armor around my heart began to shatter, leaving me vulnerable to the very beliefs and emotions which created the armor in the first place. Getting off the cross does not protect me from further transgressions inflicted by others, however, it does open a door to allow some good to come in. But it is risky to be an empress with no clothes. The Joan of Arc inside of me is always wanting to defend such entrenched beliefs which may assault my heart. It is easier to wage battle or run for cover than to let go and face surrender. Laying down the sword, I relinquish the known for the unknown. Courage is confronting the enemy I harbor within which I project as reality. There is no adversary out there but me.

          Being defenseless is not the same as being powerless when it comes to the heart. Quite the contrary, the opening of the heart empowers us to actualize the ideals for which we aspire. When we choose faith instead of fear, hope instead of despair, and love instead of cynicism we develop the power to combat the relentless internal battle preventing us from experiencing the intimacy we are all seeking. Isn't this what being in love embraces?

Votre bien-aimé