The Messy Business of Death

The Light Shall Overcome The Night

When you find yourself alone in the shadows
Void of peace and tricked by deceit,
Know that light flushes out the dark
And there's a light deep within your heart

If you find yourself in a crowd blind of clear sights,
Remove yourself from their company, and find some light

It will always be darkest before dawn
So prepare yourself a light
Because darkness will surely come

For shadow shrouds over everyone and everything,
Never are you alone when the night comes to cling

We all share the same sun and the same moon
But with life comes fire, let us use it to banish the present gloom

Together, when we all contribute to the fire
We can create warmth and huddle around the campfire
Until this present darkness expires

Some may be lost within the pitch black, and absent day
Some may even run wild in search of prey 

But know this..
Within your heart can start a spark,
The smallest fire can give birth to soaring flames
So bright you might even forget the darkness even came

The light shall overcome the night, breaching through the skies
So hold fast to your light, whatever it may be
A candle, a torch, a lantern, or even the full moon shining across the seas -Justin Worthy

SAVVY SORCERESS SEEKING WISE WIZARD

Sometimes witches just wanna have fun. This week in a fit of ennui, I decided to place an unusual posting for a date. Since I have been sorely disappointed with my past online dating outcomes, I became determined to write a memorable ad just to see what kind of results I would get. This is what I posted:

'Savvy sorceress is seeking to expand her quest to find a wise wizard for an enchanting association. To be clear, I am not looking for warlocks with benefits as I have medical, dental, and other pension perks from my own exciting career manufacturing broomsticks. Additionally, I am not into FBs (fortuneteller buddies) due to their limited appeal. However, an astute conjurer of words might be able to whisk me away from my coven if he bewitches me with sagacious spells, charms me with clever hexes, and demonstrates witty sophic soothsaying. 

This sibyl's diversity of interests includes advising Macbeth, brewing potions, cauldron cooking, and hanging out at the lair. My prognostications foresee a likely bond with an available alchemist who rather enjoys the company of a quirky crone with a wicked sense of humor and a penchant for the innovative. Would be thrilled to experience magical magnetism with the right oracle. 

BTW: those already hypnotized by marriage, mesmerized by other enchantresses, or are besieged by misfortune tellers would be better off following the yellow brick road."

Not expecting anything but a deletion from my clever post, the universe surprised me with a number of humorous replies. Here is my favorite:
"It’s a shame that house landed on your sister!"
To which I responded: "She was such a good witch. Thank you for sharing your grief-I miss her, too." 

Online dating really can be fun.

FAT MAN AND LITTLE DOTARD

Donald J. Trump‏Verified account @realDonaldTrump 

Why would Kim Jong-un insult me by calling me "old," when I would NEVER call him "short and fat?" Oh well, I try so hard to be his friend - and maybe someday that will happen!

Trump: I believe Putin

President Trump told reporters that he discussed Russia meddling in the 2016 election at the APEC summit with Vladimir Putin saying, "Every time he sees me he says I didn't do that. I really believe when he tells me that he means it. But he says I didn't do that." -CNN

 

"President Trump said Saturday that Russian President Vladimir Putin again denied his nation tampered in the U.S. presidential election last year when the two men spoke during brief conversations on the sidelines of an international summit." -The Washington Post

"He said he didn't meddle," Trump told reporters. "He said he didn't meddle. I asked him again. You can only ask so many times. I just asked him again. He said he absolutely did not meddle in our election. He did not do what they are saying he did." -ABC News

 'President Trump said on Saturday that he believed President Vladimir V. Putin was sincere in his repeated denials of interference in the 2016 presidential elections, calling the investigations into Moscow’s meddling a politically motivated “hit job” that is hindering cooperation with Russia on life-or-death issues" -NY Times

"Trump's former campaign chairman Paul Manafort and an associate are under house arrest on charges including conspiracy to launder money, linked to the investigation by special counsel Robert Mueller into allegations that the campaign colluded with Russia.' -AFP News

Gay Talese to Kevin Spacey Accusers: ‘Suck It Up Once in a While!’

Dear Mr. Talese,
          First of all, it is ironic that your first name is the reason Mr. Spacey came out of the closet. Secondly, sucking it up is exactly what Mr. Spacey wanted his young victims to do. And finally, your glib comments on the insignificance of abuse was spoken like someone who is either ignorant of the consequences of abuse or is a predator himself. Read below what the experts are saying.

"SEXUAL CHILD ABUSE STATISTICS:

• 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused before they turn 18 years old.
  
• Over 58,000 children were sexually abused last year. 
• 8.3 % of reported child abuse cases were sexual abuse. 
• 34% of people who sexually abuse a child are family members. 
• 12.3% of girls were age 10 or younger at the time of their first rape/victimization, and 30% of girls were between the ages of 11 and 17. 
• 27.8% of boys were age 10 or younger at the time of their first rape/victimization. 2
• 96% of people who sexually abuse children are male, and 76.8% of people who sexually abuse children are adults. 
• 325,000 children are at risk of becoming victims of commercial child sexual exploitation each year. 
• Caregiver alcohol or drug abuse is a child abuse risk factor putting kids at much higher risk for being abused. 
• The average age at which girls first become victims of prostitution is 12 to 14 years old, and the average age for boys is 11 to 13 years old." -from the ASPCC.com website

"Youth suicide

Research suggests that abuse and neglect significantly increases the risk of suicidal ideation and attempted suicide for young people (Brodsky & Stanley, 2008; Evans, Hawton, & Rodham, 2005; Miller, Esposito-Smythers, Weismoore, & Renshaw, 2013; Thompson et al., 2012). A systematic review by Evans and colleagues (2005) found a strong link between physical and sexual abuse and attempted suicide/suicidal thoughts occurring during adolescence. Similarly, in a systematic review of the literature, Miller and colleagues (2013) found that although all forms of maltreatment were associated with adolescent suicidal ideation and suicide attempts, child sexual abuse and emotional abuse might be more important than physical abuse or neglect. Supporting this, Brodksy and Stanley (2008) found that risks of repeated suicide attempts were eight times greater for youths with a sexual abuse history. The authors suggested that sexual abuse could be specifically related to suicidal behaviour because it is closely associated with feelings of shame and internal attributions of blame (Brodsky & Stanley, 2008)." -aifs.gov.au

"The Long-Term Effects of Childhood Sexual Abuse Childhood sexual abuse has been correlated with higher levels of depression, guilt, shame, self-blame, eating disorders, somatic concerns, anxiety, dissociative patterns, repression, denial, sexual problems, and relationship problems. Depression has been found to be the most common long-term symptom among survivors. Survivors may have difficulty in externalizing the abuse, thus thinking negatively about themselves (Hartman et al., 1987). After years of negative selfthoughts, survivors have feelings of worthlessness and avoid others because they believe they have nothing to offer (Long et al., 2006). Ratican (1992) describes the symptoms of child sexual abuse survivors’ depression to be feeling down much of the time, having suicidal ideation, having disturbed sleeping patterns, and having disturbed eating patterns Survivors often experience guilt, shame, and self-blame. It has been shown that survivors frequently take personal responsibility for the abuse. When the sexual abuse is done by an esteemed trusted adult it may be hard for the children to view the perpetrator in a negative light, thus leaving them incapable of seeing what happened as not their fault. Survivors often blame themselves and internalize negative messages about Ideas and Research You Can Use: VISTAS 2011 3 themselves. Survivors tend to display more self-destructive behaviors and experience more suicidal ideation than those who have not been abused (Browne & Finkelhor, 1986)." -American Counseling Association

Father Kills 14 Year-Old Son: 'He Would Rather Have a Dead Son Than a Gay Son'

This is a headline I awoke to this morning.  According to the article, the foster father of this child "hated the fact that his son was gay," Jones said. "I'm sure that inside of his mind, he would rather have a dead son than a gay son." Rest in peace, young one, you did not deserve having your life cut short by such hatred.

The United States seems to be leading the world in hate crimes targeting the murder of innocents. The Pulse, Texas, Las Vegas shootings and all the other slaughters, add up to that we are an intolerant country and it is driving a deep rage in unbalanced individuals who think the only solution is killing. 

As a gun control proponent, I realize these crimes would most likely be committed even with stronger gun control measures. Just like suicide, if people are going to do it they will find a way. But it is unconscionable to just roll over and not attempt to prevent guns being easily placed in the hands of the mentally ill, terrorists, and others who would easily use them to snuff out the lives of those they hate.

Hatred is becoming rampant with a contagion that lends itself to violence. The eye for an eye mentality is pervasive as we see our leaders devolve into supporting racism, homophobia, sexism, and authoritarianism-the perfect formula for rationalizing hatred. 

I am tired of hatred. I am tired of hearing about young gay children being murdered because of their sexual orientation. I am tired of seeing a gambling addict pick off innocent people at a concert. I am tired of viewing videos of troubled Texas man murder a church full of people. I am tired of hearing about women being sexually assaulted by privileged and powerful men. I am tired of the rhetoric that we have to fear those different than us. I am tired of hatred.

Where do we start? We start with ourselves. We start by being a kinder gentler nation. We start with tolerance. We start with non-violence. We start by loving more. 

"Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me."

SEX, SEX, AND MORE SEX!!!

There is a point to this. I wanted to see how many hits in how many countries I would get with a provocative sex-oriented title as compared with my other blase titled blogs. 

Since my dating life has been disappointing, I decided to channel my frustrated libidinal urges into being inquisitive about the allure of sex.

If sex makes the world go round then why is my world so square?

Not likely, though it is a funny thought about the possibility of me playing catch up.

So true but unfortunately this is not shared by too many of our male counterparts.

The Loneliness of a Long Distance Dater

For the past four years I have unsuccessfully attempted the online dating game. As an introvert, online dating is a clever ruse to think I can actually meet Prince Okay. So far I have ended up running in place like a long distance marathoner. The running has been okay but the scenery is not so hot.

Socializing for an introvert is like being placed in solitary confinement for an extrovert.  We are not necessarily shy or have social anxiety but are more comfortable with less: less people, less stimulation, less drama, and less need to compulsively do something to avoid being alone.  We make up 25% of the population but are frequently viewed as odd, weird, or just plain unusual because of our internalized preferences. Being a female introvert makes me in the 1% club with my Myers-Briggs profile which means the chances of me actually finding a compatible date are statistically akin to being hit by lightning. However, I persevere.

What have I learned from online dating? As an introvert and single professional woman without children, I am viewed differently. I get the feeling most men prefer moms because they do not know how to deal with a woman without the mommy persona. Men have told me I am intimidating, not because I am an assertiveness monster or hell on heels, but because I don't have the hook of having raised children. Women without children are seen more as competitors to men. We are viewed as more their equal, are just as independent, and challenge them when they are used to women going along with their authority. I can't tell you how many times men have offered me advice (which they would not do to another man), think they are in an intellectually or in general superior to me, or think I will automatically accept their version of events as facts. Yes, it is hard to date a smart, introverted woman who views herself as equally competent.

In the four years I have dated, I have had about 50 dates. Rarely, have I had a date go past 4 dates. My dating history has included quite a diverse group of men ranging from doctors, attorneys, and scientists, to teachers, set designers, bus drivers, and maintenance men. This is the most I've ever dated in my life. Dating when one is older is quite different-it's not as hormonally driven, there is more pathos, and of course, more habituation. But the biggest thing I have noticed about the diverse group of men I have dated is their inability to commit. And I am not talking marriage here. Committing to meeting for a date, committing to discussing simple plans, committing to talking about one's past, and committing to a future date are all symptomatic of the online dating culture. There is a commitment phobia I was not prepared to encounter when I started dating again. 

How does sex affect all of this? As you can imagine, introverts by their nature as slow to warm up to people and take more time to open up. Even though I am sexually liberal, trust is a bigger deal to an introvert. Working in Public Health has also made me aware of how many STDs are out there and how many of them are becoming untreatable. In this age of virtual friends, Facebook social lives, and instant communication, no one wants to take things slowly. This has made the desire for sex more immediate and less meaningful. Men still want sex and are now more likely to get it without the baggage of courtship or having to do much of anything. My gay friends tell me men need to have sex about four or five times before they are willing to commit to feeling a connection. I wonder if heterosexual men are the same. 

Thankfully, I am intuitive and psychologically sharp enough to ferret out the catfishes, con artists, and predators before I agree to date. There are a number of them out there and some are quite sophisticated.
I wonder how many women are taken in by there scams or are victims of their deceitful behavior. 

The loneliness of this long distance dater is reaching the end. It was a good experiment but has produced little to show for it except I've met a number of interesting men and have had intermittently good sex. But sex for sex's sake gets boring, like watching a porno film over and over. It is the intellectual, emotional, and spiritual bond that makes the sex more intense and pleasurable. Too bad that has gone out of fashion.

Death of a Brewery

A few years ago I knew a competent PhD biochemist, who in a fit of mid-life pique, decided to pursue his dream of owning a brewery after being laid off from his pharmaceutical job. His unfulfilling marriage to a successful physician, the pressure of raising two trophy sons, and a bruising lay off from a prestigious job, seemed to propel his unrealistic dream of making it big as the brewmeister of a scientifically produced exceptionally crafted beer. Defying all logic and business acumen, he proceeded backed primarily by his wife's and other investor's money. Indeed, initially things seemed to be heading in a positive direction-he took top prizes at the State Fair for his micro-brewed beer. That is, until his marriage crashed, the economy tanked, and the competition of over 250 other equally impressive microbreweries in the county overwhelmed his crafted cathexis. His brewery was outgunned by his competitors: under capitalized, poorly marketed, and naively managed, he continued to throw good money after bad attempting to sustain his burgeoning business nightmare.

The problem with most intelligent scientists is they are impeccably trained to persevere in spite of obstacles or until the research funding runs out. Their hubris does not permit them the insight that, because they are successful in one area in life, they might not be successful when they are out of their league in another area. Probably the biggest Achilles heel of any scientist is a reluctance to foresee failure. The Scientist Brewmeister knew he was not all that great when it came to business but continued to raise funds from investors, even when all signs were indicating his brewery was as solvent as the S.S Titanic. As a member of MENSA, he was too smart to fail.

Coming from a more humble background, I listened to the Scientist Brewmeister's stories of endlessly seeking investors and knew his desire for beer-driven success and prestige was a pointless exercise in futility. Not being a businesswoman, I could see he was way over his head. He was a small fish in a big pond of more moneyed, established, and popular craft beer entrepreneurs. The sign on the wall was not big enough for him to walk away before disaster struck. We drifted apart but I wondered how long it would take before his world would come crashing down.

This week I read an article in a local paper how the Scientist Brewmeister put his brewery up for sale last year. He had hoped a larger craft beer company would financially absorb him but continue to allow him keep his craft brands. That did not happen. To prevent foreclosure he sold off 90% of his brewery, kept his brands, and is now trying to keep alive producing beer for his small biergarten in an industrial park way off the beaten path. One does not need to be a psychic to know this a last ditch attempt to stave off the inevitable. Going from scientist to beermaster/bartender in a biergarten has got to be a stinging consequence of his poor business acumen.

The Scientist Brewmeister is now close to sixty. Divorced from his largest most pissed off investor, financing two kids in college, and facing the demise of the last of his dream, his world has collapsed. This is not the happily ever after story he envisioned. He admitted his choices were to go back to the pharm industry or be a beer consultant. Re-entering the traditional marketplace after being away from academia and the pharmaceutical industry for more than a decade he will discover the true cost of his mid-life crisis. Sixty years of age is ancient in a data-driven, publish or perish world. A highly competitive marketplace awaits the advanced degreed in this millennial world. 

Underneath the hard crustiness of most emotionally detached scientists, there lurks a great deal of insecurity covered up by arrogance and delusions of intellectual invincibility. The Scientist Brewmeister is a lesson in how pride goeth before the fall and how a high IQ does not guarantee success. 

Because of my background in vocational consulting, I knew his mid-life fantasy, financed by his ex-wife, would likely end up in ruin. It is well known in vocational counseling that starting a business is the least successful vocational option once someone loses a job because of it having the highest percentage of failure. Frequently people who take this option do not have the entrepreneurial verve to make it work and usually won't listen to reason. It is a sad footnote for me that there was nothing I could have said or done to have prevented his fall. I wrote him to tell him how sorry I was that he lost so much. No reply is expected.