HOW I LOVE VAMPIRES!!!

HOW I LOVE GHOSTS!!!

HOW I LOVE WITCHES!!!

           

                                                                               

                                                                          

                                                                 

 

 

 

A Letter to an Adult Child Dealing with His Mother's Dementia

The following is a letter I wrote to a friend of my cousin's who has been struggling with his mother's rapid decline from a suspected vascular dementia. It touched me deeply to see this man tortured by watching a horrific cognitive decline which he was helpless to control. This was my response to him.

Dear K,

          I asked my cousin to send me your address because I wanted to lend you some support as you deal with your mother's health problems. It would be tempting to offer you my social work advice but I feel it is more important to offer you kind words and encouragement as you grapple with the uncertainty of your mother's decline.

         As a adult child who lived through my parent's deaths, I have the greatest empathy for what you must be going through. Watching your parent age and live through the declining years conjures up deep internal struggles involving saying good bye to the way it was. When my mother had her massive stroke, it felt like my whole world crumbled leaving me with an excruciating sense of helplessness and emotional pain. There is no way to prepare for or grapple with the emotional wake of parental illness. There were times I would burst into tears unexpectedly after my mother had her massive stroke-and I'm not a crying kind of woman. I wanted so desperately to protect her from the suffering she was experiencing. To watch as a bystander to her struggles was unbearable at times, especially knowing I was powerless to stop it. Anxiety, sadness, and feeling overwhelmed unfortunately comes with this territory-it is also known as grieving. Saying good bye to the mother who has always been there for you is agonizing.  I've heard it said that grieving shared is grieving halved. I do know a loving shoulder to cry on will help vent the build up of emotion. May you be comforted and find peace during this ordeal.

         No matter what happens to your mother, I know you will do your best to see she has the highest quality of care. She is blessed by having you as such a staunch advocate and loving son. Because she is cognizant of her rapid decline, she is a both a prisoner and victim of the cruelty of her disease. Please know that whether she can recognize this or not, you are providing her with alternatives to keep her safe and functioning. Unfortunately, she is like a drowning woman who doesn't realize what the life preserver thrown to her does. 

        But my concern remains with you because you are a witness to this and are the main decision maker. Sometimes this means you are in a no-win situation. I was with my mother when she had her final cardiac arrest and had to tell the arrest team to stop. To this day, many of my family members have not forgiven me for that decision. But she had told me (and only me) a few weeks before her death she did not want ever to be resuscitated. I have no regrets about this. Please do not regret or ruminate about the decisions you make to provide her with appropriate care. You truly are doing the best you can.

       Familial politics tend to complicate this landscape further. For example, when I was feeling sad about my mom, my sisters would be angry and upset. This tends to make one feel stranded and alone. So you are not only dealing with a lovely mother who is disabled but a family trying to come to grips their issues in their own way. There is no template for the right way to deal with this.

       You are not alone. Your support system will be invaluable as you put one foot in front of another. Those of us who have been through this will know what you are dealing with and will offer our strength to you as cope with each step along the way. Remember to be kind to yourself, give yourself a break, allow yourself to grieve these changes, and ask for help when you need it. You can always count on me. 

The Battle of Armageddon (a guest blog by Robyn)

After talking to a gifted blogging friend, I decided to give this blogging thing a try. Perhaps this is a way for me to become part of the Greater Good, by writing my thoughts and perceptions and be immortalized in "The Net Land" of the World Wide Web.

As a result of this nudge from my friend and my Higher Self, I was finally able to choose a topic that was meaningful for me. As a devoted and passionate student of metaphysical teachings, spirituality and world religions/philosophies, I am always looking for the Golden Thread that is true for all humanity throughout the ages. This may be an impossible feat and a journey that continues with no end, I proceed relentlessly in this pursuit regardless. As a result, I am now choosing to share some ideas and insights that have been developed from my personal journey. 

One of the themes focused on is the constant unrest in the Middle East and other parts of the world.  Such mindless killing and dissension. Why is this happening? Why does this primitive mind set continue to plague mankind? There appears to be a delicate balance as our beautiful magnificent planet hangs so mysteriously in the Universe. Unfortunately, as a result of the treacherous ongoing battles we humans create for ourselves, we may be on the edge of distinction as a result of our own ignorance and mis-understanding. Some of my questions are, "Why are we like this?", "What is the purpose?", and “What are we supposed to learn?”

Why all the pain, suffering and injustice? Why? Why? Why?

At one point in my consideration of these matters, my mind went to explore the Biblical idea of the Battle of Armageddon. What was found from these considerations is that maybe the battle is not about what happens in the outer world, but what is actually going on inside of us. Perhaps the real battle is the healing of our own hearts and minds from judgement, jealousy, anger, pride, exclusivity, negativity, believing our way is the only way, etc. 

Perhaps when we make Peace in our own hearts and minds, we are doing our part to make Peace on Earth. The idea of "Being in Love" in the world as a loving being, not necessarily in a romantic sense, but by creating a strong loving presence, as we navigate our way throughout the life, will create a domino effect, a paradigm shift helping our species heal itself. My belief is that this happens when we carry an awareness and consciousness of Peace throughout the market place. Not just with our family and friends, but actually carrying ourselves as a beacon of light and love in the world, by sharing that energy and consciousness as we go about our lives in unconditional love. In my belief we are a reflection of each other. We are one race, one species.

Furthermore, this does not mean we accept poor and dangerous behavior, or by intentionally putting ourselves in harm’s way, but by learning to love unconditionally, in spite of the negative appearances or circumstances. We learn to avoid aggression by turning the other cheek, which actually means to look at things from another angle and to avoid conflict if at all possible. Of course when necessary we defend ourselves, or help out if possible at the level we are of which we are capable. However, sometimes it is also important to know how to step aside and move on, so as not to fuel the flame of dissent.    

By remembering simple principles like the Golden Rule, "Love your neighbor as yourself". To "Love only the neighbor that agrees with me or looks like me", but humankind in all its diversity. We then learn to celebrate and honor differences in others, as well as what is unique inside of ourselves. Maybe if we all understood this concept and were able to actually do this internal work, the world would heal itself through us naturally. Maybe we can collectively create Heaven on Earth by doing our work from the inside out, thus allowing ourselves to enjoy our similarities while celebrating our diversity and keeping things interesting.  

A Lifeless Body in the Park

While taking my regular weekend hike in my local park, I noticed an emergency vehicle blocking the main trail. From behind the vehicle I noticed two runners in the distance which led me to conclude the trails were closed for a race. My heart sank when an EMT person came up to me and told me to leave immediately and pointed to a dead body on the grass.

Even as a Buddhist, it is a shock for me to come across death so unexpectedly. The body was covered, so I did not know if it was a man or woman, a jogger, a walker, or someone who ran into some unfortunate circumstance. As I turned and walked away, I said a Buddhist prayer for this unknown person who had no idea this was their last day on the planet. Later, a friend emailed me to tell me the body was that of a man shot to death. He was only 44 years old.

Seeing a dead person is a poignant reminder how capricious life can be. We run around all day worrying about this and that with no thought to how important these things are in the scheme of life. What seems like solidified problems disappear in the face of death.

I wonder about this man, his loved ones, and what events happened leading up to his passing. He died on a beautiful grassy knoll, left like a discarded piece of trash. There is still no news about who he was or what the circumstances were surrounding his death. I think about the shock for his loved ones having to deal with a violent death. The surreal gravity of his horrific demise will haunt them for the rest of their lives. He was not the only victim on that grassy knoll yesterday.

The stark picture of him lying motionless on the ground has imprinted a powerful visual in my head. Though I am not a stranger in dealing with death, I am in awe at how unprepared we all are when death coming knocking at our doors (or on our hikes). Conceptually, it is easy to grasp the reality of death. But in actuality, in experiencing the reality of happening upon a corpse while enjoying a sunny August day, I woke up. I woke up to the fact that the universe sends us messages in usual ways.

It has been interesting to discuss about this episode with my friends. The stories they gleaned from my sparse facts are a sign of how easy it is to have biases. Most assumed it was a man, probably homeless, and involved in some drug deal gone bad. Somehow portraying this man as a willing accomplice in his death made it seem reasonable as to why he got shot. But we really do not yet know what happened and maybe we may never know. While the event made me more circumspect, they reacted with fear over my safety when hiking the park. It didn't occur to me to be fearful, only sad that this person died on the lawn of a park with no one there to comfort him in his final minutes.

No one wants to think they will exit this earth without any time to say good bye. No one thinks at 44 years of age they will die on a park lawn. And everyone thinks there still is time.

11-year-old Rape Victim Gives Birth

CNN)An 11-year-old girl who was allegedly raped by her stepfather has given birth to a healthy baby girl in Asunción, Paraguay.

Thursday's birth -- in a case that has ignited a fierce debate over a Paraguayan law banning abortions except in cases where the pregnancy endangers the mother's life -- was confirmed by Asunción Red Cross Director Mario Villalba.

In the mostly Catholic country, 684 girls between the ages of 10 and 14 gave birth last year. Most of the minors had been victims of sexual abuse, according to government figures. -CNN News

Social and emotional development

• The world is becoming a more complex place for the child who is beginning puberty.
• Your ten and eleven year old may well have a ‘best’ friend with whom they share activities, but at the same time relationships at school will begin to be more complicated, competitive and changeable. This can be particularly true of girls whose group relationships tend to be more up and down than the boys. Boys seem to be more focused on the details of what they are doing rather than with whom they are doing it.
• By eleven your child is much more interested in, and affected by, the norms of their friends and you may see the first flutter of independent wings. They may begin to worry that their clothes aren’t ‘cool’ enough and at the same time lose interest in family activities [picnics, outings, holidays] that they adored and needed at nine. 
• This can be a difficult time for some parents, particularly mothers, as their children become more independent and less welcoming of the love and care they have been pleased to receive over the past eleven years.
• Although eleven and twelve year olds may begin to start wanting to do things more independently, and they do need to stretch their wings a little bit, they are certainly not as capable of dealing with the world as some of them would have you believe or as they sometimes think themselves, so it is good to check out situations to make sure they are safe before they go off on their own.  From the "Women's and Childrens Health Network"

What are milestones in psychological and emotional development for tweens?

The tween age range can be filled with anxiety. The development of real fears (such as kidnappings, war, violence) replaces fantasy fears (such as witches, monsters, boogie man). The development of delayed gratification is a consequence of the realization that current events may impact the future. The 9- to 11-year-old starts down the path of self-identity, independence, and development of moral values that will mark the teen years. The importance of "group identity" is established.- From Medicine.Net