The Full Wolf Moon, January 4, 2015

"Full Wolf Moon – January Amid the cold and deep snows of midwinter, the wolf packs howled hungrily outside Indian villages. Thus, the name for January’s full Moon. Sometimes it was also referred to as the Old Moon, or the Moon After Yule. Some called it the Full Snow Moon, but most tribes applied that name to the next Moon." -The Farmer's Almanac

January's Full Moon in Cancer occurs on January 4th at 8:53pm (PST). This wolf moon will leave us howling for new order as our world gets shaky with decision making. Releasing the past is one way to forge ahead but commitment to our personal integrity is what will open doors. The New Year heralds resolutions but it is the will which produces results. Long standing patterns need to break down for us to really see and plan for our future. That time is now. Say good-bye to what has not worked-time for real change. Harsh words and deeds test the resiliency of forward movement but this is a smoke screen. Judge not by appearances created under such tumultuous conditions. Best take a deep breath, find the space to regroup, focus on the goal not the obstacles, and know, this too shall pass.

Saturn is now in Sagittarius. Thoughts, ideas, and plans will spring forth calling for specific action. Are you ready? Saturn does not care if you are or not. This dynamic Full Moon in conjunction with Saturn highlights developing courage, compassion, initiative, diplomacy, and responsibility. This is a turning point connected to the full moon eclipse experienced last April. What needs healing or resolution that was not available then? What do you need to do to let go? How much conflict will it take for you to finally walk away? If you forgave yourself first what would change?

Happy Birthday, Capricorn and Happy New Year to all!

Second Saturn's First Casualty

Second Saturns are tough.

Anything unresolved from the first Saturn

Erupts with pyroclastic force.

Sometimes ironic, mostly infuriating,

Second Saturn's presence is a harsh taskmaster.

Whether fleeting or chronic,

Intense issues unsettled increase

Forcing flight or fight reactivity.

Unrelenting unpredictable internalized emotion

Humbles even the most rationally arrogant.

The cosmic mirror awakens

Thoughts of inching closer to old age.

Denial melts like butter

Dripping with realizations of time

Speeding toward an unknown finale.

Conflicted hard change becomes a best friend

Teaching lessons of bravery.

The biggest question to answer is,

Who and what do I want to take with me into old age?

Frequently the choice is also delegated by the universe.

Loss figures predominantly in a Second Saturn

As a reminder of the impermanence of reality.

Cozy comfortable living is a memory.

Whether it is death, separation, health, change, or defeat,

Say hello to the process of grief.

Is there a silver lining to a Second Saturn?

Are lessons learned like bridges burned?

Will Saturn's spiritual awakening scorch or heal?

The answers come with deep questioning

Of the soul's purposefulness and future intent.

Bearing up under Saturn's grip

Requires courage, fortitude, resilience, and compassion.

Either armor up or soften up but choose wisely.

Pay close heed of your words and deeds,

Otherwise Saturn's true healing is circumvented.

A comforting shoulder and gentle discourse

Will alleviate the acerbity of Saturn's blows.

Accepting help, seeking solace, being contrite,

And asking for forgiveness, expedites the transformation

Needed to learn Saturn's stringent lessons.

This blog is dedicated to those who passed their second Saturn, those with Saturn in Sagittarius, and the one who made me his first Second Saturn casualty.

Christmas Without Christ

I am a Buddhist. For more than forty years I have not been a Christian, despite being raised in an orthodox Catholic parochial school system. Not many can say they have received as much Christian religious education (in addition to mass six days a week) as me. Years of instruction initially made me devout with a child-like acceptance of Church doctrine. But as I grew older and saw what I felt were aspects of this religion I did not believe nor could I accept. Throughout my younger adult years my search to find a spiritual home led me to other more figurative Christian religions like Unity and the Church of Religious Science. Christ light, as I called them, was certainly more palatable but still I had difficulty accepting Jesus Christ as my personal savior. Then I began to read about Buddhism.

Through Buddhism I discovered a philosophy and way of being I could embrace. Though I do not consider myself to be a skilled practitioner, I do observe the teachings. The most difficult part of acknowledging and sharing my love of Buddhism is the reaction I get from people of other religions.

Today on Christmas day, this point is driven home all the more. My Christian friends are not at all happy with my Buddhist beliefs and constantly try to convince me to come back to Christ. I find their pleas incredibly disrespectful. Finally, after being badgered by one of my reborn Christian girlfriends about converting, I reminded her there is a constitutional right to freedom of religion. But to my Christian friends, it is about Christianity being the only religion and way into heaven.

The Catholic training I endured in my childhood also taught this. But the flaw I saw in this conflicted with the idea of loving your fellow humans only if you can convert them to Christianity. Of course, you show them charity, but they are nothing more than heathens. Sadly, this attitude perseveres.

This year I dated a pastor and a man who was a devout Christian. Both of them said I could never be happy unless I allowed Christ into my life. At one point, the pastor told me my natural intuition was really the devil whispering in my ear. I found this ironic. Isn't intolerance of any sort the antithesis of being a loving, spiritual being? I do not expect any of my Christian friends to understand or convert to Buddhism yet they expect me to. When I am with my Christian friends I do not talk about Buddha unless asked. However, my friends feel no compunction about rambling incessantly about Christ wanting me to come back into the fold. What is wrong with this picture?

Religion has been used for centuries as a reason to treat women and children as property, start religious wars, and justify genocide. What I see very little of is the human aspect of religions supporting the higher spiritual values which support our humanity.







 

A Capricorn New Moon, the Winter White Soltice, and the Dawning of Saturn in Sagittarius

"Winter solstice is an astronomical phenomenon which marks the shortest day and the longest night of the year. Winter solstice occurs for the Northern Hemisphere in December and for the Southern Hemisphere in June.
The axial tilt of Earth and gyroscopic effects of the planet's daily rotation keep the axis of rotation pointed at the same point in the sky. As the Earth follows its orbit around the Sun, the same hemisphere that faced away from the Sun, experiencing winter, will, in half a year, face towards the Sun and experience summer. Because the two hemispheres face opposite directions along the planetary pole, as one polar hemisphere experiences winter, the other experiences summer." -Wikipedia

December 21st marks the New Moon in Capricorn at 5:35pm (PST). Just hours after the winter solstice, this new moon marks the need for responsibility, mastery, and rigorous discipline. Where are you sloughing off and where does your focus need to be? This is a new beginning requiring motivation, self-determination, and practicality. Slowly but surely, the dark days will begin to give us more minutes of light to warm our chilled winter bones. We know there will be more winter, but the darkest days are over until next year. So it is with the Capricorn New Moon. We are ready for the challenges spurred on by embracing the work which needs to be done. Capricorns are known as the administrators of the universe because of their devotion to the nitty gritty details. They drive many of us nuts with their meticulous picking but we know without them we would be developing an airy thought instead of a full-fledged plan. It is easy to dream but harder to make something a reality. Use the power of this Capricorn New Moon to take measured and thoughtful action. Now is the time for all good people to come to the aid of their life.

Two days after the Capricorn New Moon is the heralding of Saturn moving into the fiery sign of Sagittarius. Moving from the mysterious, watery stinging Scorpio to the heat of Sagittarius will take some adjustment. Those of you with Sagittarius in any house will feel its transformation in your hard line beliefs, while watching the erosion of how they have no basis in reality. Be prepared to see that things are not as set in stone as you thought. Think of the Archer and his bow and arrow: it takes strength, concentration, and visual perception to hit the target. But are you sure that's the target you want to hit? No one identifies with the arrow. Are you speeding through the air aimlessly or with precision? You'll be asking a lot of thought provoking questions as Sagittarius leads you on your next merry journey.

Happy Birthday Capricorns!

ISIS: Enslaving, having sex with 'unbelieving' women, girls is OK

"(CNN) -- Can you take non-Muslim women and children captive? Yes, says ISIS.

Can you have sex with them, even prepubescent girls? Yes, according to the Islamist extremist group.

Can you sell them or give them as gifts to others? The answer is yes, once again."

Where do I begin? The deeper you go into this story, the more horrific it gets. Women and girls raped and held as sex slaves, not only as the spoils of war, but as a religious right. The fundamental dignity of women and children being savagely violated by predators masking themselves as holy religious followers is akin to psychological and sexual genocide.  One only needs to hear stories from past war 'comfort women' to know these men are murdering the souls of their victims. Sexual assault is not just the episode-it's a lifetime of PTSD, depression, anxiety, and not trusting you will ever be safe or whole again-and that's if these women somehow escape their tormenters.

"Even then, it is rare to see its rationale laid out as plainly as in "Question and Answers on Female Slaves and their Freedom."

In the document, for instance, it is explained that capturing women is permissible if they are "nonbelievers." It adds, "Female slaves are the women that Muslims took from their enemies."

Much of the pamphlet talks about ISIS' policy on having sexual intercourse with a female slave, something that the group cites the Quran to justify.

Armed men distributed this pamphlet Friday to worshipers in Mosul, outlining what's permissible to do with non-Muslim captives.

"If she was a virgin, he (the owner) can have intercourse with her immediately after the ownership is fulfilled," ISIS explains. "If she was not a virgin, her uterus must be purified (wait for her period to be sure she is not pregnant.)"

There are other rules as well, like that two men who co-own a captive can't both have sex with her and that a man can't have intercourse with his wife's slave.

As to girls: "It is permissible to have intercourse with the female slave who hasn't reached puberty if she is fit for intercourse," the document reads. "However, if she is not fit for intercourse, he (the owner ) can only enjoy her without intercourse." -CNN

Yesterday's killing of a hundred and forty-three children in a Pakistani school further illustrates no one is immune to being a target. It is unfathomable that anyone who believes in any religious ideology could perpetrate such hatred towards innocent women and children, justifying it by God's will.

 

I Am Always There

I am your ace in the hole
the dependable standby.

I am your mirror
with an unseen reflection.

I am your pursuer
running away from myself.

I am your friend
more peripheral than visceral.

I am your confidante
unable to share feelings.

I am your lover
always last on the list.

I am your past
seeking resolution.

I am your present
struggling with grasping.

I am your karma
needing purification.

Why I Love My Gay Harem

Never did I imagine I would end up with the majority of my support system being gay men. Affectionately, I call them my harem. Most straight people think I am odd or weird because of this, but I know I'm lucky. As a single woman without a close family, they are my brothers, friends, confidantes, advisers, comforters, and supporters. Contrary to what the traditional straight world thinks, they are not my male girlfriends. They are men. And when I am with them, the gay/straight
personalities between us disappear leaving us simply to be human beings. All I know is that they are men I admire and they unconditionally accept me. Plus, they all have a wicked sense of humor.

For the past thirty years, gay men have figured prominently in my life. In the eighties, when HIV/AIDS took over as the number one public health crisis, I worked as a medical social worker for UCLA. During those years the HIV/AIDS patient population exploded, placing me in contact with many men afflicted by a devastating disease with a shameful stigma, a poor prognosis, and very few sympathetic medical clinicians. Even an unbelievable number of my social worker colleagues
voiced antipathy when asked to take HIV/AIDS patients on their caseload. Given their chosen vocation, I found my coworkers disdain and aversion of these critically ill and dying patients reprehensible. My response was to become a stronger advocate. Living through this appalling era watching gay men die enduring rejection and contempt strengthened my convictions about human rights.

As HIV/AIDS became treatable instead of an automatic death sentence, the issues of gay rights and cultural acceptance moved into the forefront. Their struggle paralleled the women's movement tightening my bonds with them. This became evident when I returned in the late 90s to California (from my own private homophobic Idaho) and met a gay man from the Midwest. There was an immediate connection, for me it was friend love at first sight. We had so much in common I kiddingly referred to him as my gay husband. More than any other gay man, he enabled me to see, experience, and understand what it is like to gay in a straight world. He taught me firsthand about the high price of being gay as a minority culture. Through him I met other gay men whose company I enjoyed. Hearing their stories of coming out and dealing with societal rejection made me realize how courageous it is to live life openly as gay. Eventually I found myself attending more events that were gay-related until one day I realized most of my friends are gay men.

When you love someone who is gay, you become sensitive to the slights, slurs, negative behavioral displays, discrimination, and threats they can encounter daily. You wake up to what it is like to be gay in a straight world with the realization of the cost to them psychologically, socially, physically, and spiritually. How can this not teach one to be more compassionate? The most shocking fact  confirmed by numerous studies: high rates of depression and suicide. This is why I continue to be an ardent supporter of gay rights.

The Human Experience of Intimacy

"In my firsthand experience, there is nothing as exhilarating as being

"close" to another human. It is the sharing of your inner most self;

frightening to allow someone to truly know you. But it is as beneficial as

true introspection because much is revealed to you and to them. It is confirming

and comforting to be accepted for who you truly are. Most wonderful of all is

to be a trusted partner and have a trusted partner. Someone that believes in

what you are and is in your corner. Someone for you to love, to comfort, to

encourage. When I was married, I did not even contemplate any plans that did

not include her. She was an essential part of everything, an essential

part of me which is why it is so hideously painful when it comes apart. But

nothing ventured, nothing gained. You will never experience the best there is

without taking that chance. You will never be truly close to another without

laying yourself bare. No, I don't want superficial close. Forgive me here, but as 

in the act of physical intimacy which as a stand-alone is quite pleasurable, 

when it is with someone you are DEEPLY and MUTUALLY in love with, it is 

THOUSANDS of times better. I would hands down prefer to sit on the couch 

and watch a movie with a woman I truly love, than to have sex with the 

best-looking woman on the planet. Snap decision.”

Simple, yet pure and honest, this email stopped me in my tracks. Something

resonated in this passage which softened my stance, lowered my defenses, and

opened my mind. At first I could not believe a straight man wrote this to me.

Surprisingly, he touched on a number of things I had secretly hoped for, dreamed

of, or visualized but all have evaded me. Is it because I have almost no faith this

kind of intimacy is attainable in an intimate relationship or no faith two people can

sustain it? I want to believe an intimate meaningful love is possible but I also

wanted to believe in fairy tales, too.

The parts of this passage I found most unsettling: “never truly be close to another

without laying yourself bare.” Years of fortified seclusion have added layers of

protection which now calls for dismantling. Baring my naked self sounds not only

incredibly vulnerable but seems like a considerable tactical error. This is the risk we

all fear taking. In Buddhism they refer to this as removing your armor. Though my

humanity is drawn to intimacy, the rational side of me worries about making poor

judgments and being eviscerated emotionally. There is also another question I

have about intimacy versus enmeshment. What does healthy intimacy look like?

I can see my work is cut out for me.   

Full Cold Moon in Gemini, December 6th

"The traditional Full Moon names for December are Full Cold Moon or Full Long Nights Moon, because this is the month when winter cold truly begins to fasten its grip, and nights are at their longest and darkest. It is also sometimes called the Moon before Yule. The term Long Night Moon is a doubly appropriate name because the midwinter night is indeed long, and because the Moon is above the horizon for a long time. The midwinter full Moon has a high trajectory across the sky because it is opposite a low Sun.
This year, there are actually two Full Moons in December. The first will take place on December 2. The second will appear on New Year’s Eve, December 31. Only the first of the two will take December’s Full Moon name. The second will be called the Blue Moon. It’s not winter’s cold that makes this New Year’s Eve’s Moon “blue,” though. Blue Moon is the name traditionally given when two Full Moons occur during the same month." -the Farmer's Almanac

Welcome Gemini Full Moon, December 6th at 4:26am (PST). Feeling at a critical juncture? With the Gemini Full Moon we reach a culmination about spiritual matters. Conflict, division, and questioning core beliefs will present us with choices on how to resolve these important matters impacting our lives. The potential here is for opening up so the rigidity that is weighing us down can be dissipated. In the process we may find new perspectives and alternative ways to interpret current challenges. This full moon highlights spiritual transformation and your relationship with your Higher Power. It's all about questioning your purposefulness or lack thereof, being open to guidance, and finally saying good-bye to what's not working in your life.

The Full Moon in Gemini precedes the six of the critical seven squares that have been oppressively operational since 2012 on December 14th in Aries and Capricorn. This square reinforces the Full Moon's message of leading a spirit centered life as an anecdote to fear and feeling disconnected. Realizing we have a divine nature supports us to make heart-based decisions which diminish competition and encourage cooperation. Time to ignore what might be true for the underlying gut instinct telling us what is really tearing us apart. Thus, this will be a Full Moon to pray, meditate, and commune with spirit. Listen carefully and act compassionately.

Astrology's Dark December

The stars are cooking up some action as we move into the darkest month of the year. A critical juncture starts to form after the Full Moon in Gemini on December 6th. This Full Moon encourages us to use the thinking air of Gemini to design, create, and visualize new possibilities and greater realities. Staying stuck in our fears only mires us down in the nightmare called reality. But this bright orb will also be lighting a path at a crossroads ahead of the sixth in the series of seven powerful Uranus-Pluto squares on December 14th in Aries and Capricorn. Don't underestimate the significant punch which is sure to illicit intensity needed to precede change or break bad habits. We then move into the New Moon in Capricorn and the winter solstice. The day before Saturn moves into Sagittarius for its stay in the fiery sign until September of 2017. These two events herald the moving from woundedness to actively cultivating a faithful understanding of the spiritual nature of healing.

Happy Birthday, Sagittarius.

Dating Advice from a Seasoned Novice

Almost eleven months has passed since I embarked on dating after not having done so for more than a decade. Thinking about my paramour's previous salient dating advice, I pondered what I had learned this past groundbreaking year. What advice would I give a seasoned woman who is ready to date again?

-Enjoy the process, even though it will have certain moments of devastating pain (and sometimes out of nowhere). Reawakening is a nice term for a slap across the face, a kick in the ass, or getting resuscitated. It means coming head to head with all of your obstacles-all those unresolved bad memories, poor judgments, stupefying decisions, entrenched resentments, nursed hurts, and other emotional issues getting regurgitated. Sometimes it feels like the biggest PTSD battle is with yourself over approval, control, and intimacy-all the time you are questioning whether it is him or you.

-Realize your support system may be invested in you not changing. Family and friends say they want the best for you but the longer one has been out of the dating scene, the more you become intertwined in their lives. In my case, my older women friends were especially 'concerned' about what I was doing, why I was doing it, and why I just couldn't be okay with being without a companion. Of course, this was done lovingly but it made me aware for the first time in years how powerful support systems affect the course of a potential relationship. I ended up declaring to my friends that I appreciated their concern but that I was going to continue to date, be sexual, and seek the possibility of having a male companion in my life.

-Decide how you are going to handle the demands technology puts your relationship. The hardest adjustment for me in this process was coming to terms with how much electronic communication has replaced good manners, polite behavior, and kindness with written bravado, callousness, and piercing personal attacks. And I am talking about myself here. Many times communicating primarily through this electronic jungle has brought out the worst in me and I am ashamed of things I have written in anger. Being raised pre-information age, looking someone in the eye and touching one another while actually discussing the problem was the way to diffuse escalating conflicts. With virtual communication comes more emotionally detached behavior. How easy it is to forget there is a person on the other end. The only good news is I've become adept at writing apologies.

-While trying to figure your way through the maze of defining your relationship, look at the behavior more than the language, both yours and his. We all lie to ourselves and others about what we're thinking and feeling, but most behavior is unconscious and revealing. Even if you're dead to the verbiage, your friends won't be. They'll be the first to give you feedback how your or your suitor's behavior is inconsistent with what is being said.

-Be patient with yourself, find solace and support where you can, and embrace that deconstructing and reconstructing takes time. And remember, the older one is time itself becomes a challenge. There's a lot of weighing and measuring in this process because no one is ever truly ready. More often than not the universe puts you front and center with your deepest fears causing you to question why even change. Thus change, even when welcomed, is anxiety producing. A friend of mine has joked I am going through adult onset puberty. Indeed, that is what is feels like sometimes-a hormonal firestorm of emotional and rational oppositions.

 So, why put yourself through this? Something in me wants to believe it's possible to gain great benefit from being an intimate relationship with a man. If you're like me, you want to experience, for once in your life, a good male/female relationship. It's always easier to be cynical and jaded but far more courageous to face one's vulnerabilities. Does great risk reap great rewards? We'll see....

Dating Advice from a PhD

The other day I was speaking with my occasional PhD lover who, in his own inimitable way, was sincerely trying to advise my on 'how to get a boyfriend'. In his evaluation of my dating skills, he felt I may not be adequately communicating my passion to men about sex. What makes his hubris more compelling is that he is five years my junior and I have much more sexual experience than he. Obviously, he thought he knew better. His amusing suggestion: when I am ready to let my suitor know that I am ready to commence sexual activity, I fondle his penis. "Polite men wait for you to give him a little stroking in order to get the go ahead signal...really." What? Yes, my PhD informed me that this is now the acceptable method of signaling sexual intent.

When he first emailed his advice to me, I thought he joking and laughed heartily at the thought of me grabbing some guys privates to encourage copulation. I told my PhD I thought I knew more subtle and less overt ways of beginning the romance. Besides, that form of 'signaling' is prone to misinterpretation. Nowadays women can be prosecuted for these kinds of boundary violation misdemeanors, though the likelihood of a successful verdict is slim. What I was more concerned about was possibly being viewed as a desperate, poorly controlled vamp who wants it and wants it NOW. My guess is the male fantasy of this hits the emasculating reality of a dominating female pressuring the uncertain man causing his peter to go kaput. Is it just me or am I off base thinking men feel more secure when they initiate sex? It's not that I think women should passively wait, but I see it as a mutual dance.

Not feeling sure of my assessment, I put it to the test at Thanksgiving dinner with my Minnesota friends. Their reaction was the same as mine: they thought my PhD love was joking. When I revealed he was not, they thought it was the most ridiculous thing they'd ever heard. Minnesotans may not be the best barometer of courting behavior but they are savvy to the nature of fostering intimacy. Needless to say, it was a hands down 'no' from the Midwest group.

This invites questions about men's sexuality and the changing strata of courtship in the 21st century.  I see men as more fragile sexually and have witnessed how instilling confidence affects performance. It has always been my experience it is best to let the man take the lead in the sexual arena. This probably will elicit groans and outrage from my more feminist of colleagues but I always felt men I have been sexual with gain confidence from initiating. Plus, it is a turn on to me to have men want to chase me. Conversely, when I have taken more of the initiative, the sex has usually fallen flat. Then there are the other issues of being viewed as easy, a slut, a whore, and promiscuous. In some ways, I want to believe there is a biological basis for this-that it's not just falling back into the same old comforting roles.

My Thanksgiving Prayer

I am grateful
In this present moment
To be with you, cherished friends and family
On this day of prosperity.

I am grateful
For all of our ancestors
Who bore burdens and strife
To bring us to this point in time.

I am grateful
For the great abundance and opportunity
Creating the freedom to actualize our dreams
And contribute to the welfare of humanity.

I am grateful
For simple pleasures,
Serendipity, the kind gesture,
And the touch of grace which whispers joy.

I am grateful
For the comforting call,
The supportive word, the reassuring hug and
Knowing you will always be there.

I am grateful
For saying hello, knowing how to say good bye
Embracing change with courage and
Being inspired by creativity and clarity.

I am grateful
For all those we love,
All those who love us,
And all those who are still undecided.

I am grateful
For all that I am, all that I have
All that I give, and all that I receive.

All Orgasms Are Not Created Equal

While daydreaming back to my sexual encounter last week, I thought about the yummy orgasms I had with my lover and how all orgasms I experienced were not all the same. For some reason in all my years of being sexual, I never connected each climax as being a unique expression or an having individual fingerprint. But this year, after becoming sexual again after a long period of celibacy, I am noticing things about my sexuality I never really noticed before. Unique orgasms are one of them.

It has now been ten months since I began being sexual again. In this space of time I have been sexual with four men. Only one of them I have been canoodling with off and on for the past year. All of them have been good technically but my brewer lover is most exceptional. What makes what he does give me more satisfaction? Well I can tell you it's not romance, love, or great emotional fervor. This man and I are both INTJs-courtship with us is like watching two scorpions mate (which is ironic since he is a Scorpio and I have a Scorpio moon). But inexplicably what we do have is a magnetism and passion that defies rationality. Whether it is from a previous karmic relationship, compatible physiology, or just cursing pheromones, we click. Getting off with him is effortless-this is when I started noticing all orgasms are not created equal.

Back to my treatise on orgasms being unique. The other men I was with this year were good sexually and a had orgasms with each of them. That is when I started noticing how different they were. Of course, some were clitoral and some were vaginal but now I experienced a flavor to them. Here is a partial list of how I would describe some of them:
-slow, building, releasing
-soft, massaging, sensual
-hard, intense, explosive
-electric, passionate, riveting
-slight, mildly tremorous
-fast, furious, fulminating
-easy, pleasurable, ethereal

I could go on forever but you get my drift. Maybe now that I am more relaxed with my older sexuality, I can appreciate what people practice Tantric sex know: it's the process not the product. Now I relish the whole process.

But what about love? Isn't sex between two people better when they are in love? As women we are hard wired to believe this but that hasn't been my experience. However, it is a good ideal and I do believe love will hold a relationship together better than sex. However once sex goes down the tubes, it is only a matter of time that the majority of the relationship usually begins to irreparably
deteriorate. I have heard this story from too many ex-married men and women to discount it.

I can already hear the bellowing from my women friends about this blog. It is perfectly acceptable for women to discuss this in their private clutches, but seeing it in writing is another matter. After "50 Shades of Gray", I thought nothing would be taboo. But discussing older women being sexual is still novel.

The Coming of the Sagittarius New Moon

Are you ready for the Archer and his bow? Have you been wondering what the hell you are doing with you life and what are you waiting for? Then, this is your New Moon.

This Sagittarius moon is about seeing and perceiving. Look at the picture above and list what you see. What are you not seeing? What facts have you gleaned from the composition of the photo? What is the prevailing mood? No one has one hundred percent perception and vision. We are all influenced by other prevailing influences like culture, gender, race, religion, geography, etc. To make changes, one has to really see and perceive the unfamiliar path is the worthy course. That takes real courage.

When we look at the hard reality of our lives, what are we not taking in that is offering us the clues we need to follow? As the unknown becomes more magnetic, we get to glimpse the tip of the iceberg blocking our passage. Regurgitation in the form of obsessive compulsive habits, restlessness, avoidance, apprehension, and irritation often accompanies an awakening. Let's face it: the best awakenings are when we emerge from a near coma state. That's when our senses fully wake up. Awake, we behold the awe and wonder we could not previously see or perceive.

Leaping, discovering, letting go, waking up, seeing, and trusting are the themes of this New Moon. We are not the Archer but the arrow.

Advice for a Chilly November

Here are some delightful tidbits from the thepowerpath.com:

"Turn your fears into delighted anticipation of a great surprise that is supportive and satisfying beyond your wildest imagination.

Release the past, forgive the past, and dissolve old beliefs and patterns.

Drop the need to know, the need to control, the need to be right.

Trust the heart, be creative, and dream big! The sky is the limit.

Be excited and inspired rather than fearful.

Face the unknown with confidence and a willingness to have everything turn out well. Watch
Martyrdom. You are never the victim.

Get help when you need it. Your support people will be your best reference point when you feel lost.

Rely on your spiritual practice whatever that may be. Do something daily.

Be compassionate around others who are having a difficult time without matching them. Make a separation. Don’t be afraid to say no to what does not feel right.

Trust spirit and the larger order of things. Anchor the belief that it will all turn out OK."

As the day grows shorter, the light lessens, and we plunge into  the beginning of winter. Withdrawing into the darkness and cold, we may be tempted to use this valuable time of hibernation to obsess, worry, catastrophize, and harbor the seeds of doubt. 

Here are some more comforting words from thepowerpath.com:

" One of the biggest lessons and challenges for some of you will be to let go, really let go, of the need to know, the need to be right and the need to control. These three needs are needs of the mind and will derail you from the true power available this month. Watch the stories your mind tells you in the attempt to understand this great dissolving of the known container. There is a fine line between delusion and reality. The reality this month is the great UNKNOWN. Delusion is just another expression of “the need to know” creating a new story that you can get attached to that may or may not manifest.

You may witness those around you dealing with the UNKNOWN in different ways. Some will have a difficult time of it especially if their shadow has to do with their self-worth. Some will become almost manic in their creative new stories, some will withdraw in deep fear, and others will be able to walk that tightrope, keeping their eyes open, trusting their instincts, doing their daily practices and honoring the path of the heart.

This month supports the healing of our deepest fears. When the shadow surfaces, as it will for all of us, the discipline will be to starve it of any power by facing it with a “don’t know mind” and humbly turning the whole process over to spirit. This is allowing the heart to lead instead of the mind. The heart can face the UNKNOWN with way more wisdom than the mind can."

Choosing to be Free

This morning while doing spiritual readings, I ran across this from "The Daily Word":

'Today, I choose to be free.

 

Freedom is a state of being beyond external circumstances. I can experience freedom regardless of what I see outside myself. I choose to be positive in my thoughts and feelings, attitudes and perceptions. By choosing to focus on the good, I am free.

I release negative thoughts and emotions, and feel lighter in mind, body, and soul. I nurture my mind with ideas of health and well-being and experience the freedom of a balanced and productive life. My outlook is positive—I expect only good.

Freedom is a choice, a state of mind. By holding positive thoughts and feelings, I experience life to the fullest. Today I choose to be optimistic. Today I choose my freedom.'

How often have I been so mired in my own dramas and internalizing that I have lost track of my freedom of choice? That is the freedom to not engage, or forego, or to distract, to make friends with, and actively and positively let go, etc. How do I incarcerate myself with my own imprisoning thoughts? Time to dream, think big, focus on graces I receive.

Precision, Gentleness, and the Ability to Let Go

The lovely blog title was taken from Pema Chodron's book, "The Wisdom of No Escape". In the 4th chapter she expounds on ripening the qualities of precision, gentleness, and the ability to let go through meditation. What inspired me the most about this chapter is her explanation that Buddha taught there is kind of and "innocent misunderstanding that we all share, something that can be turned around, corrected, and see through, as if we were in a dark room and someone showed us where the light switch was. It isn't a sin that we are in the dark room. It's just an innocent situation, but how fortunate that someone shows us where the light switch is. It brightens up our lives considerably."

Isn't this a inspiration to ponder? My experience with Catholicism told me I began with original sin, something I spiritually inherited. It was a bummer to live with the fact I was destined to a life of sin for someone else's mistake. That is why I like the Buddhist version better. In her book, Pema Chodron offers alternatives to dealing with the sufferings of life through Buddhists teachings which speak to the heart.

"In the same way, if we see our so-called limitations with clarity, precision, gentleness, goodheartedness, and kindness, and, having seen them fully, then let go, open further, we begin to find that our world is more vast and more refreshing and fascinating than we had realized before. In other words, the key to feeling more whole and less shut off and shut down is to be able to see clearly who we are and what we're doing."

Pema Chodron is clear this is not a self improvement plan or trying to be a better person. She has stated that the desire to change is fundamentally a form of aggression toward oneself because our neurosis and wisdom are made out of the same material.

"The idea isn't to try to get rid of your anger (or whatever emotion is predominant), but to make friends with it, to see it clearly with precision and honesty, and also to see it with gentleness. That means not judging yourself as a bad person, but also not bolstering yourself up by saying, 'It's good I'm this way, it's right that I' this way. Other people are terrible, and I'm right to be so angry at them all the time.' The gentleness involves not repressing the anger but also not acting it out. You can let go of the usual pitiful little story line that accompanies anger and begin to see clearly how you keep the whole thing going. So whether it's anger or craving or jealousy or fear or depression-whatever it might be-the notion is not to try to get rid of it, but make friends with it. That means getting to know it completely, with some kind of softness, and learning how, once you've experienced it fully, to let it go."

What if my routine, deadening life could be infused with this sense of restoration? How would I be different? What energy would be rechanneled positively because it is not being zapped by my own critical, harsh, and protective ways? How would my pitiful story change by precision, gentleness, and letting go?

"This is probably one of the most amazing tools that you could be given, the ability to just let things go, not to be caught up in the grip of your own angry thoughts or passionate thoughts or worried thoughts or depressed thoughts."

Amen.

Homage to My Mother

Today is my deceased mother's birthday. For thirty-one years I have not have to buy her a card, worry about what present to get her, or attend another stressful family birthday event. Yet, not a year has passed since her demise that I do not remember her on her birthday.

My mother was a very pretty French, Irish, English Scorpio with the trademark dark hair and dark eyes. She also had the Scorpio sexual allure-she had six children. There is no doubt my mother chose a hard life for herself. At eighteen she eloped with my twenty-seven year old father who then was shipped overseas in World War II. For four years she did not see him. Because he had married her against his parents wishes, he ran away once he returned from World War II to Council Bluffs, Iowa, for a period of time where no one seems to know what he did there. My mother never spoke of this; I learned about this incident from another relative years later. It must of been crushing to wait all those years and then have your veteran husband disappear. The only consolation she had was living with her parents, her sister, Betty, and my cousin.

About a year later, my father returned along with the beginning of my family. My mother became pregnant with my sister, Kathy, and post WWII life resumed. Within a span of five years, my mother had four children. I was the baby of the family. Fortunately for her, her parents, sister, and my cousin, moved upstairs from us in our duplex to help out. It was truly a European-style family. Then, after ten years, my mother got pregnant with my sister followed by my brother three years later.   Though she loved my younger brother and sister, those years took the most toll on her. Just as she had a glimpse of a life without child rearing, she knew she would go into her older life saddled with teenagers. My mother told me years later, never to have children late in life (she was 39 and 42 years old when my youngest siblings were born.)

Growing up in a large mixed WASP/Polish amalgamation presented itself with constant strife. It was not just only the difference in cultures but the difference in religions. My father was a staunch Catholic and my mother and her family were less than tepid Presbyterians. Because of my father, we lived in a Polish neighborhood near his parents (who hated my mother), were raised Catholic, and we were identified with the Polish culture. Looking back on it, I can't imagine how much it must have affected her to never have anything for herself. Her life was solely about her children and living in a culture which was about my father. No one ever looked past her being a mother of six children living as a stranger in a strange land.

My mother was an intelligent and articulate woman with a high school education. She read constantly. My love of reading came from her. Had she been born in another era, I suspect she would have had gone on to college and had some sort of career. Instead, she spent her life living less than her potential. But that was the norm for women of that time. Like many women of that era, she was limited in her options to contribute more purposefully. This reinforced her underlying anxiety disorder for which Librium acted as a somewhat effective straight jacket. But it also drove her anger and depression deeper as it lulled her into a sad acceptance that her fate was sealed.

There are many things I am grateful my mother nurtured in me. She passed to me her phenomenal ability to articulate and do so under stressful conditions like legal testimony. Every week she took me to the library fostering a life long love of reading. But she also had great empathy and was always willing to help others. Because she was an especially good mother with small children, I have a fondness for babies (which is something because I am childless).  She had a great sense of humor and loved to laugh. Everyone liked my mother-she was a good daughter, a supportive sister, a perfunctory wife, an excellent friend, and a good woman.

For decades now I have lived without a mother. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like to have her for a few more years. I would have liked her to see how successful my life has been. I would have liked her to have seen her grandchildren. I would have liked to have spent more time with her. Even after all these years I miss her.

I once had a psychic tell me a dark haired woman named Shirley was always around me. No kidding, this actually happened without me giving out any information on my mother. There is something comforting to me knowing she is still around me.

Happy Birthday, Ma!

Do Nothing

My horoscope for today states I am to do nothing (my comments in blue):

"Do nothing (What??? Certainly there is something I should be doing.)

Weak, transient effect: This influence, although brief, can have a disruptive effect on your relationships (great, now I have another thing to worry about). The problem is that it tends to make you feel very lonely and isolated, as if there is no one you can communicate with (and that would be different because?). And this can be a self-fulfilling prophecy (all of my prophecies are self-fulfilling). Perhaps unconsciously you send out signals to others declaring that you do not want to be bothered. (that would be correct). You may get into a depressed mood that baffles the people around you, so they give up on you for the time being and stop trying to help you (I hate baffling depression) . There is a strong tendency to look on the dark side of life and to react much more strongly to disappointments and failures than to reinforcement from others and success (but the disappointments and failures make a better story). The best way to handle such feelings is to do nothing (What?). Don't take them seriously and don't make any decisions based on the way you feel now (Okay, now what?). " -astro.com In this techno age of instant everything, how does one do nothing? Are we even allowed to do nothing? Doesn't 'do nothing' equate with helplessness, victimization, passivity, or laziness? I always look to the dictionary for clarification when unclear: do-nothing  noun          /ˈduˌnʌθ ɪŋ/      1. a person who chooses to do nothing; a lazy or worthless person. adjective 2. characterized by inability or unwillingness to initiate action, work toward a goal, assume responsibility, or the like: a do-nothing government. -Dictionary.com See what I mean. Can anything good come from doing nothing? The Western world sees weakness in doing nothing. This is an age of sound bytes, clever quips, and reassuring rationalizations. The lack of motion is also akin to being indifferent and apathetic. We are discouraged to take the time, sit tight, and remain undecided. But there is another side to 'do nothing'. Do nothing can encourage an objectivity, a connection and trust of one's universe. One can do nothing by meditating, praying, and letting go. The hardest battles within are trusting oneself to 'do nothing', say nothing more, and forego. Our compulsive behavior wants us to believe the only option resides within ourselves to 'do something now.' I love this quote from "Women Who Run with the Wolves" on foregoing: "Take a break about thinking about the person or event for a while. It is not leaving something undone, but rather more like taking a vacation from it. This prevents us from being exhausted, allows us to strengthen in other ways, to have other happiness in our lives. Leave the situation, memory, issue as many times as you need to. The idea is not to overlook but to become agile and strong at detaching from the issue. To forego means to take up that weaving, that writing, to go to that ocean,  to do some learning and loving that strengthens you, and to allow the issue to drop away for a time." I am not going to start weaving but maybe I'll go to the ocean.

A Taurus Full Moon November 6th

"Full Beaver Moon – November This was the time to set beaver traps before the swamps froze, to ensure a supply of warm winter furs. Another interpretation suggests that the name Full Beaver Moon comes from the fact that the beavers are now actively preparing for winter. It is sometimes also referred to as the Frosty Moon." -Farmer's Almanac

This frosty Taurus full moon arrives November 6th at 2:22pm PDT. What do we get we when combine the Taurus penchant for wealth and beauty with Scorpio's sultry smoldering spiciness? A seductive awe-inspiring full moon that might melt the frost off our inhibitions. But before we can get to second chakra, we have to deal with the first. What makes us feel secure, grounded, planted? What needs to be harvested and what needs to go fallow? What is the next step? What is waiting for us? What fears need to be overcome?

Time to set down the old and pick up the new. The themes of this full moon are about being honest with yourself and having the courage to change. Facing our shadow side doesn't mean rejecting it. It means examining what deep seated beliefs are holding us back. Our shadow side is illuminating where we are and what we need to do next. Disliking where we are at is an important element to harnessing the energy to move forward again.

So, for this full moon, the sky is the limit as long as you can hurdle over what's keeping you from it.

Happy Birthday Scorpio!

Remember, Remember the Fifth of November-Guy Fawkes Day

"Remember, remember
The fifth of November
The gunpowder treason and plot.
I know of no reason
Why the gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot." -Traditional verse recited on Guy Fawkes Day

So, who is this Guy Fawkes and why is he celebrated on November 5th?

Guy Fawkes
George Cruikshank's illustration of Guy Fawkes, published in William Harrison Ainsworth's 1840 novel
Details
Parents	Edward Fawkes, Edith (née Blake or Jackson)
Born	13 April 1570 (presumed) York, England
Alias(es)	Guido Fawkes, John Johnson
Occupation	Soldier; Alférez
Plot
Role	Explosives
Enlisted	20 May 1604
Captured	5 November 1605
Conviction(s)	High treason
Penalty	Hanged, drawn and quartered
Died	31 January 1606 Westminster, London, England
Cause	Hanged

Guy Fawkes (13 April 1570 – 31 January 1606), also known as Guido Fawkes, the name he adopted while fighting for the Spanish in the Low Countries, was a member of a group of provincial English Catholics who planned the failed Gunpowder Plot of 1605.
Fawkes was born and educated in York. His father died when Fawkes was eight years old, after which his mother married a recusant Catholic. Fawkes later converted to Catholicism and left for the continent, where he fought in the Eighty Years' War on the side of Catholic Spain against Protestant Dutch reformers. He travelled to Spain to seek support for a Catholic rebellion in England but was unsuccessful. He later met Thomas Wintour, with whom he returned to England.
Wintour introduced Fawkes to Robert Catesby, who planned to assassinate King James I and restore a Catholic monarch to the throne. The plotters secured the lease to an undercroft beneath the House of Lords, and Fawkes was placed in charge of the gunpowder they stockpiled there. Prompted by the receipt of an anonymous letter, the authorities searched Westminster Palace during the early hours of 5 November, and found Fawkes guarding the explosives. Over the next few days, he was questioned and tortured, and eventually he broke. Immediately before his execution on 31 January, Fawkes jumped from the scaffold where he was to be hanged and broke his neck, thus avoiding the agony of the mutilation that followed. Fawkes became synonymous with the Gunpowder Plot, the failure of which has been commemorated in Britain since 5 November 1605. His effigy is traditionally burned on a bonfire, commonly accompanied by a firework display.  -Wikipedia

Guy Fawkes gained a resurgence in popularity with the release of the film, "V for Vendetta":

"V for Vendetta is a 2006 American-German political thriller film directed by James McTeigue and written by the Wachowskis, based on the 1982 Vertigo graphic novel of the same name by Alan Moore and David Lloyd. Set in the United Kingdom in a near-future dystopian society, Hugo Weaving portrays V—an anarchist freedom fighter who stages a series of terrorist attacks and attempts to ignite a revolution against the brutal fascist regime that has subjugated the United Kingdom and exterminated its opponents in concentration camps. Natalie Portman plays Evey, a working class girl caught up in V's mission, and Stephen Rea portrays the detective leading a desperate quest to stop V." -Wikipedia

This is my kind of holiday. We are celebrating a rebellious freedom fighter anarchist leading a socialist movement to take back civil rights from an oppressive government by bombing the seat of authority. What a minute, wouldn't he also be considered a terrorist?

The Truth about Witches

witch- noun \ˈwich\

: a woman who is thought to have magic powers
: a person who practices magic as part of a religion (such as Wicca)

: a very unpleasant woman

-Merriam Webster Dictionary

I have always loved witches. As a female role model they offer many delightful facets of being an alternative woman no matter what century, culture, fairy tale, or ghost story they are featured. They represent the 'bad' side of women frequently reviled in male dominated stories and historical facts. As the shadow side of a 'good' woman, witches are portrayed as wicked (my favorite word), profane, duplicitous, scheming, self-serving, and nefarious. Witches are the antithesis of how nice, maternal, nurturing women should be. How could I not be attracted to them?

As independent women, witches are usually linked to dark forces, special magic, and pagan religions. Christians they are not. This had me hypnotized when I was a small parochial school girl. Brujas do not act like the saintly women martyrs I studied in catechism. Witches defy convention, carve out their own lives as outsiders, and are a force to be reckoned with. They make good look boring. Being a CEO of a odious empire requires confidence in your curses, spells, and Machiavellian cunning. Daring to be different, witches reject the approval orientation that decent girls embrace. However, they do pay the ultimate price for their nonconformist ways by being burned at the stake, drowned, or hanged. 

"Éva Pócs states that reasons for accusations of witchcraft fall into four general categories:

1. A person was caught in the act of positive or negative sorcery
2. A well-meaning sorcerer or healer lost their clients' or the authorities' trust
3. A person did nothing more than gain the enmity of their neighbors
4. A person was reputed to be a witch and surrounded with an aura of witch-beliefs or Occultism

She identifies three varieties of witch in popular belief:

• The "neighborhood witch" or "social witch": a witch who curses a neighbor following some conflict.
• The "magical" or "sorcerer" witch: either a professional healer, sorcerer, seer or midwife, or a person who has through magic increased her fortune to the perceived detriment of a neighboring household; due to neighborly or community rivalries and the ambiguity between positive and negative magic, such individuals can become labelled as witches.
• The "supernatural" or "night" witch: portrayed in court narratives as a demon appearing in visions and dreams." -Wikipedia

Some of my personal favorite witches are:

• The Wicked Witch of the West. Margaret Hamilton's portrayal of a sinister hag jonesing for revenge cannot be beat. Her frightening demeanor and deviousness are mesmerizing. I loved how she addressed the naive Dorothy mockingly as "my pretty". All that wrangling over the symbolic red slippers gives us a clue that prepubescent hormonally-charged girls are also a force of nature.
• Dame Gothel, the witch from "Rapunzel". This Grimm tale starts off innocently with a man whose pregnant wife insatiably craves rampion (aka Campanula) which only grows in Dame Gothel's garden. When the husband is caught absconding with some of the witch's rampion, a deal is struck: he will get all the rampion he wants for his expectant wife but the unborn baby she carries will be given to Dame Gothel at birth. The baby, taken by the witch, is named Rapunzel and is endowed with long golden locks of hair. When Rapunzel turns twelve, right about when she would be getting her first period, Dame Gothel locks her away in a castle with no doors or stairs. To visit Rapunzel, the witch summons her to let down her 'golden hair which is used as a rope. 'Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your hair." Eventually a handsome prince observes the witch  and attempts to liberate Rapunzel. Alas, he is cast down the castle onto some thorns and dies. So much for males outmaneuvering a superior witch.
• The witch from "Hansel and Gretel". Even in these days of horrific child abuse stories, this Grimm tale takes it up a notch. Here we have a poor widower with two small children who marries a woman (stepmothers always get a bad rap in most stories) wanting his children dispatched because they are a resource drain. The stepmother convinces her husband to take the two kids deep into the woods where they get lost and stumble upon a witch's candy house (witches know what attracts). The witch captures them, makes Gretel her slave, and plans on fattening up Hansel for her own Hannibal Lecter-like feast. Gretel, the heroine of this story, manages to push the witch into the fiery hot stove, incinerating her before Hansel becomes an entree. Immolation is part and parcel for most fairy tale witches.
• "The Witches" by Roald Dahl. You can't go wrong with a story about convention of witches called, "The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children". When a young orphaned boy and his ailing grandmother visit a hotel on vacation, they discover the creepy convention. Investigating the witches intent, the boy is is caught and turned into a mouse by the Grand High Witch. These wily witches with a loathing of children turn the youngsters into mice so that they are killed by frightened humans. Though Roald Dahl did not care for the film version, Angelica Huston made a stunning sorceress. The author took offense at the sanitized movie ending in which the boy is transformed back into being human. Witches, after all, are not the sanitary type.

Seeing the happy go lucky young witches at Hogwart's is too sugary for me. I like those gritty, gnarly, loathsome witches who wreck havoc on our natural world.