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| Secretary of Defense, Brigadier General Jack Ripper. Devout anti-Communist, pro-male bodily fluids, & fearless nuclear bomb enthusiast. |
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| Secretary of Labor, Colonel Saito. Japanese labor camp efficiency expert, motivational bridge builder, & able to deliver goals by using torture. |
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| Secretary of Agriculture, Dr. Hannibal Lector. Trump favorite for his ability to digest his enemies, has experience with fava beans & chianti, & enjoys a cunning ability to escape jail. |
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| Secretary of Commerce, Alfonse Capone. Another Trump favorite for his dead-on capitalistic business acumen, his expertise in tax evasion, & is a fierce gun supporter. |
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| Treasury Secretary, Ebenezer Scrooge. Penurious unrepentant loan shark, willing to work holidays, & devoted fiscal conservative. |
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| Director of HHSA: Dr. Frankenstein. Misunderstood pioneer of organ transplants, supporter of green electricity, & an environmentally friendly cadaver recycler. |
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