I met Dr. R last May when I was referred
to him thinking I might be experiencing a retinal detachment. When he
walked into the room, he took my breath away. How could one woman be so lucky
to have such manliness gaze intently into her eyes? After the examination he
diagnosed my symptoms as something more benign but informed me I had a
significant cataract in my right eye he could remove. He could have told me I
needed a heart transplant and I would have readily signed up for it. So, last
July he set me up for surgery.
The last surgery I had was an emergency
appendectomy when I was thirteen. The surgeon who operated on then me told me l narrowly escaped the clutches of death that day. One would think I would be
fairly anxious about surgery again after this. After all, cataract surgery
involves being awake with minimum sedation while the surgeon cuts into one’s
eye. Surprisingly, I was so smitten with Dr. R, I had no compunctions.
The day of the surgery a friend dropped me
off to the surgical center. Everyone there was not only professional but quite
comical. My first interaction was with the pre-op nurse who informed me I would
soon be getting a combination of Fentanyl and Midazolam for sedation. Somehow
we got into a discussion about Fentanyl. This reminded me of a famous murder
case here involving a speed freak coroner’s assistant killing her husband with Fentanyl patches because
she wanted to carry on with another coroner in her office with whom she was
having an affair. When I brought this up to my pre-op nurse, we laughed
hysterically about coroners becoming murderers, what a great drug Fentanyl is,
and our mutual interest in serial killers. Suddenly, I became the surgical
suite’s newest comedienne. Next in line for my attention was the
anesthesiologist-he looked like Santa Claus. He assured me he would be giving
me the right amount of sedation, so I would not be panicky during the surgery.
I told him I was incredibly tolerant of opiates and requested he be liberal in dosing, as
I could handle whatever he gave me. He laughed. Once the sedation was
administered I became even more disinhibited making me even more hilarious. The
surgical suite staff said that, hands down, I was the funniest patient they had
ever operated on there. They told me they could hardly wait for me to return
for surgery on my next cataract.
The surgery itself went off without a
hitch. Dr. R expertly walked me through the whole process. The thought of having
someone invade your body, especially with the eye, while awake is just plain unnerving. However, the great sedation they gave me made me think I was going on a
carnival ride. The surgery itself only took about twenty minutes. After it was
done, I turned to Dr. R and said, “Was it as good for you as it was for me?” He
just shook his head laughing.
After this surgery, I was so impressed with
Dr. R, his staff, and the surgical team that I wrote all of them and my health
plan thank you notes for their incredible professionalism and the restoration
of my sight. One can never take for granted the effort it took for this to come
off without even a single misstep. I am profoundly grateful to all of them.
Today I return for my pre-op for my second
cataract surgery. Dr. R will be deadpan serious with me and I will enjoy his
manly good looks. I have fantasized Dr. R secretly has a crush on me as he fast
tracked my surgery, which usually takes six weeks, for next week. He doesn’t
fool me with his cool professional detachment. Ah, the joys of infatuation.
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