The Sacred Institution of Marriage

     Kiddingly, I wrote to a straight man I know, joking that I may be better off marrying one of my gay men friends with whom I share strong compatibility and friendship. His retort was, “the wedding would have been marvelous, wonderful decorations, probably way over the top. Flamboyance all over, but it all would have been a show and an insult to the sacred institution of marriage.”

    This from a straight man who claims to be "gay friendly". The gloves came off when I read those words. My reply was, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. What do you mean it would be an insult to the sacred institution of marriage? Sorry, I respectfully disagree: marriage is not a sacred institution. It is a legally binding contract, and not a particularly good one for women. The sacred stuff is made up by religions created by heterosexual men. I've been married twice and neither of those marriages were particularly sacred, especially the way they ended. More than 50% of marriages end up in divorce-that doesn't sound too sacred to me. The noble concept of Holy Matrimony is a far cry from the reality of marriage, where men leave women with no child support, cheat on them, physically abuse them, and worse. Statistically, the number one risk of death for a pregnant married women is being murdered by her husband. Yes, what a sacred institution.”

   This argument has been used by conservative religious leaders as a legitimate reason for denying gays to have the right to marriage. Who originally pronounced the institution of marriage as sacred? Religious leaders who are straight men. What is the definition of sacred?

sa·cred adjective

1. devoted or dedicated to a deity or to some religious purpose; consecrated.

2. entitled to veneration or religious respect by association with divinity or divine things; holy.

3. pertaining to or connected with religion (opposed to secular or profane ): sacred music; sacred books.

4. reverently dedicated to some person, purpose, or object: a morning hour sacred to study.

5. regarded with reverence: the sacred memory of a dead hero.

    But the definition of marriage as sacred has even broader implications. It presupposes that the consecration of this institution as sacred prohibits a meaningful committed relationship outside of a religious context if one is gay or chooses to live together.

    My friend got hot under the collar with my reply and wrote. “I respect your opinion, please respect mine.” Well, isn’t this just a nice, tidy way of avoiding the real issues behind the denial of civil rights? 

    My final email to my new ex-friend addressed this: “I have a constitutional right to disagree with you and not respect your opinion. It is homophobic, misogynistic, religiously skewed, and just plain wrong. Marriage is a legal contract period. The word sacred is assigned to give the institution of matrimony some God-given status as divinely blessed. Not that I have anything against relationships being divinely blessed, but defining marriage as a sacred institution denies the significant non-sacred issues which occur frequently in marriages. In addition, it is exclusionary of people who would like the right to be married in society.”  

    This is why I am an unabashed supporter of women's rights, gay rights, and civil rights for all  of us who have been at the merciless brunt of those who think they their gender, sexual preference, and religious affiliation makes them superior.

.