Truth or Consequences

     I took a pre-dawn walk in the hills of Las Cruces while my sleepy friends were nestled in their beds. The desert chill was not as brisk. Walking uphill at 3800 ft. is a little challenging but I became acclimated quickly. The sun rising over the Organ Pipe mountains was spectacular.  Chirping birds sang sweetly to me as I hiked higher into the desert. Stark beauty greeted me at every turn. It was a perfect morning to do a silent meditation. My morning walking meditation was on the New Moon in Aries, contemplating the message of this moon: a choice between diving into the future or getting run over by it. Unequivocally, it feels like a hit and run.

     Whether I like it or not, I am at a crossroads. The universe is clearly indicating its intent by asking me to make a radical decision: leave my increasingly abysmal west coast life or take a leap of faith elsewhere. FYI: the older one gets, the harder it is to leap. But unlike others straddled by mortgages and family, I have nothing holding me in place but myself. What would I be leaving behind? I would say goodbye to a very political yet financially secure Public Health job, fraught with nepotism, dysfunctional leadership, and contentious conflicts, in a densely populated city for which I have never really cared. My original intention was to stay only a few years. Seventeen year later, I can say that I have not gained much personal fulfillment, only a better job experiences to add to my already impressive resume.  What will I gain by leaving? I’ll have a second chance, a new start, a smaller community, closer friends, and river fishing. Work-wise I may not fare as well, but I will define myself by my personal life instead of my career (which is coming to an end soon anyway). This seems like a no brainer, but as Pavlov experiments proved, there is nothing more powerful than anxiety.

     Yesterday morning my friend and I went to a town one hour north of here called Truth or Consequences (aka T or C), for a soak in their natural mineral baths. I can’t think of a more appropriate named place to go to mull over my internalized conflicts, other than the road to perdition.  BYW: we’ll also be going past a historically deadly area called Jornado del Muerto (English translation: the Journey of Death). Though Jornado del Muerto is a better known for where Sir Richard Branson’s boondoggle Spaceport is located (you’d think his public relations people would have chosen a less controversially named location for a millionaire’s rocket ride), it is also seemed to symbolize for my state of dread. On the way there, my friend and I discussed the pros and cons of moving to Cruces. I could easily do it on my pension alone, but would need another job to supplement social security. My girlfriend, of course, would like me to be closer to her.

    Truth or Consequences is a dusty small town that looks like the last rose of summer. Ted Turner recently bought the local spa fueling speculation that the town might have an economic resurgence when Branson’s Spaceport is up and running. I personally can’t imagine someone with a $300,000 to burn on a space ride wanting to stay in a town better known for meth. Branson’s first rocket crashed landed without being found in the Jornado del Muerto, financially instilling investor panic and lending itself to the conclusion that he may be a better con artist than an architect of space travel. Delays in the Spaceport’s launch schedule have caused ire in the whole state, as the taxpayers are the biggest financial backer of this fiasco. This August, Mr. Branson has pledged he and his children will be going on the inaugural flight. Whether he is desperate for investor confidence or just plain crazy, one wonders if he somehow missed the literal translation of Jornado del Muerto.

    The mineral baths we soaked in were right on the Rio Grande River. It was scenic and relaxing. Since this is a public pool, we soaked and conversed with other women there from all over New Mexico. One in particular, a nurse educator from Western New Mexico University (WNMU) in Silver City (a town an hour and a half northwest of Las Cruces), was very chatty with me. She told me how WNMU is starting women’s and children’s clinic soon. This has made them realize the need for the best practices on immunizations, blood borne pathogens, STDs, etc. Being from one of the largest public health facilities on the west coast, she asked if I would consult with her and her staff to help secure more resources in these areas. Since rural public health is an interest of mine, I agreed. This lovely nurse educator was thrilled by the prospect of someone from a well reputed public health center being a resource to their new venture. She remarked what an amazing coincidence it was to meet me-she spontaneously decided at the last minute to take a mineral bath at T or C on her way back to Silver City. For her, meeting me was something of a divine appointment. To me, it seemed as if the wheel of karma is pushing me to New Mexico.

This New Moon in Aries is offering me messages of transformation by envisioning a new future. The question is no longer if I will leap but when.