It's a New Year with a promise for new attitudes; a time for out with the old and in with the new. Shiny, new, and exuberant beats forlorn, weary, and dull anytime. Getting to the new with such enthusiastic hope requires a journey of a thousand obstacles. Easily writing down those New Year's resolutions is empowering until action is required. Those pesky obstacles unexpectedly rear their ugly heads summoning us to rethink change as desirous.
What really stands between you and what you want? Simple, all the reasons you can't have what you want. Reasons equate with excuses interpreted as rationalizations, leading to a suspension of disbelief. So, is it the emotional attachment to being vindicated or the thrill of high drama superseding avoidance of our real problems that justify not changing? Secondary gain is always suspect but not usually acknowledged. Overcoming inertia requires an act of movement. A friend of mine calls it, "moving your chi".
But how does one move one's chi when one is stuck? By letting go. How does one let go? My favorite way is do say the time worn act of contrition. Yes it sounds so parochial, but by letting go of what you think you contributed to what presently is haunting your life builds momentum for having the space to change.
"Contrition or contriteness (from the Latin contritus 'ground to pieces', i.e. crushed by guilt) is sincere and complete remorse for sins (Sorry, I think the word 'sin' is laden with shame-based interpretations. I prefer to substitute behavior or words.) one has committed. The remorseful person is said to be contrite. Etymologically it implies a breaking of something that has become hardened." -Wikipedia
Don't we all armor up when we are 'ground to pieces' by ill thought out words or offensive behavior? Isn't our knee jerk reaction to become defensive? Whether it is by our hand or by someone else, seeing your part in the process, being contrite, doing penance, and making restitution enables what has become hardened to soften.
What is penance? "The word penance derives from Old French and Latin poenitentia, both of which derive from the same root meaning repentance, the desire to be forgiven (in English see contrition). Penance and repentance, similar in their derivation and original sense, have come to symbolize conflicting views of the essence of repentance, arising from the controversy as to the respective merits of 'faith' and 'good works'." -Wikipedia
Penance is absolution made manifest. It is declaring your part in whatever drove the offense and feeling heartily sorry-not just sorry because you got caught. You feel what it's done to you and/or whomever you hurt. Actively engaging in this process begins to move chi. But it's not enough to feel sorrow or regret, one has to put energy into loosening up its hold by making amends or restitution. Saying one is sorry is easy but to actually convince oneself or others that the act will not be repeated takes commitment. Breaking the repetition compulsion means demonstrating you get what drove the behavior, admitting the mistake, seeking forgiveness, preventing recurrence, and symbolically doing an act which clearly indicates you want to let it all go.
Here's to all committed to making a fresh start for 2015.
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