April Fool

Today is April Fool’s Day. Oh, to have even one day giving everyone permission to be foolish. That has never been my problem: I am frequently foolish, much to the consternation of my approval oriented friends. I have been a fool for love, squandered my money foolishly at times, made foolish choices, said foolish things, taken foolish chances, and done just about anything connected with the word ‘foolish’. Why would an intelligent, strategically-minded intuitive do this? Because it makes me more human.

    I was raised in a very staid Midwestern environment where foolishness was not tolerated. My upbringing in the Catholic Church reinforced how foolishness is akin to dancing with Satan. Being rebellious and a non-conformist, this fueled my desire to be even more foolish. The conventional path for women when I was growing up seemed narrow, depressive, and deadening. I chose to live an adventurous, liberal life with freedom only foolishness would dare to go. Were there some hard knocks because of my foolish choices? Yes, Do I regret them? Never. My life has been defined by throwing caution to the wind.

    One of my foolish choices was moving to Seattle. I had met a man out there I had fallen in love with-the only problems was that he was not in love with me. Seattle is a beautiful city. If one has to be lovelorn, it is a good place to lick your wounds. At that time I was in my first Saturn. Because I was an extrovert then, I met plenty of other twenty-somethings and had an incredible time mostly working, hiking, and partying. I did my first hospice work out there on an Orcas Island with a famous women author of salmon fishing, the mother of a psychiatrist with whom I worked. After she died, her oncologist did a physical on me and discovered I had cervical cancer. Had it not been for my foolish choice, my cancer may not have been discovered for years. I have been cancer free for thirty years.

    Another foolish choice I made was marrying my first husband. My friends were aghast that I married him-in their eyes this was a foolish gamble. He was in recovery when I met him from an addiction to alcohol. The majority of the time in our marriage he was sober. It was the intermittent times that were problematic. In spite of the chaos which ensued from his addiction, he remains the love of my life. He was an incredibly intelligent man with great honesty and kindness. Without him, I would not be so adventurous, so willing to take chances, and would have never learned to love nature and art. His alcoholic decline and subsequent death taught me lessons about addiction that continue to be with me today. I consider him to be my greatest teacher. This foolish choice gave me the strength to overcome my codependency issues and be a resource to family and friends whose loved ones are afflicted by addictions. I also can now smell an addict and codependent from ten miles away. This foolish choice made me wise.    

    Today we officially celebrate being foolish. Happy April Fool’s Day.