Living With Testosterone

        The last time I had a straight man stay with me was four years ago when my longtime friend, Joel, spent three weeks with me in my cramped one bedroom cottage. Joel is an INFP and former boyfriend I dated when he was in medical school some forty years ago. Energetically and romantically, we were ill-suited for one another. We parted company as friends when he did his family practice residency in North Dakota. For years I lost track of him but, through an unbelievable serendipitous series of events, we reconnected when we both lived in Idaho. Our friendship resumed, though it was mainly based upon our history versus our amity. When he came to visit me four years ago in California, he was retired and his stay with me was disastrous. Since both of us are Virgos, we argued over things like our styles of cleanliness, my cottage plumbing, and how to properly wash dishes. We are still very close friends, but it is apparent we will never be anything other than competitive Virgos. His introverted opinionated feeling and resistance to making plans are in sharp contrast with my introverted strategic thinking wanting concrete boundaries. Because of our long history together, we have learned to set aside our peculiarities and work around the schism of our differences.  

      Enter the young twenty-six year old, Christian, who is staying temporarily with me. His male energy is quite different, as he is a Pisces and an ENFJ. Though initially I had some reservations about this arrangement, it is working better than expected. We have frank discussions on all sorts of subjects with ease, laugh at everything, have similar spiritual interests, and enjoy eccentric tastes in music. He is disarmingly sweet, kind, and washes the dishes without me asking. Sometimes we will sit for hours on my couch not talking-he will be reading and I will be writing. There is a level of ease with him which makes me feel I can be exactly who I am with him sans pretense. For years I doubted I could ever have a man live with me again without them driving me nuts. Now I see this is again possible. Last Sunday I took him to meet my gay harem for brunch. Christian’s mixed Guatemalan/White handsomeness gives him the look of a Calvin Klein model. He is eclectic, adaptable, and gay friendly. Thus, the gays adored him. His comfort level with my gay friends is not unusual for his generation. I am certain if I tried bringing an age appropriate straight suitor to a gay brunch, it would be my last date.  

    This month Christian took me to and from my eye surgery. His devotion and commitment to me during this procedure was genuinely touching. When he dropped my off at the surgery outpatient office, he spontaneously hugged me, looking a bit worried. It is the first time in years any straight man has exhibited any concern for my welfare. Being alone has never made me feel vulnerable, however, going through my surgery has made me realize how much I have learned to suck up taking care of myself because I have no one else to depend upon. This epiphany enabled me to see how male companionship has its advantages. Living with Christian has made me realize how much I have missed the intimacy of being in a serious relationship. Soon he will be moving on to his own place. Until then, I will enjoy his companionship. Maybe this will inspire me to work harder on allowing men to get closer to me.