The Plus Side of Gay Dentistry

     Yes, I am the most gayed up women on the West Coast. Today I saw my gay dentist Dr. T, who refers to himself as the “Tooth Fairy”.  Dr. T. is one of the most amusing and competent dentists I ever had the pleasure to work on my teeth. His rapid fire jokes and double entendres make an excellent match for my quick comebacks. Usually his hygienist works on cleaning my teeth but today he decided to do me the honors.

     Our dental relationship began years ago when I was referred to him for a crown. Dr. T’s ribald jousting is usually on the periphery of appropriate boundaries unless one opens the door wider first. I always have an open door for this sort of stuff. At one point when both he and his assistant were wrestling with the crown in my mouth, I joked during a pause in the procedure, “Gee, Doc, I’ve never had two men in my mouth before.” My zinger flew over the head of his very young assistant but Dr. T laughed hysterically. I love double entendres.

     This morning as he worked cleaning my teeth, we watched CNN’s coverage of the missing Malaysian plane which has been going on for weeks. Dr. T. began mercilessly parodying the speculation of the newscasters as to what really happened as scraped away my tartar. We both believe the plane really landed on some tropical isle where the passengers are enjoying those fruity tropical drinks. My other rejoinder was, “It’s a good thing CNN was not around for Amelia Earhart’s plane disappearance or that would be the headline news today as well.” That spun off into a series of comical scenarios of what really happened to Amelia and her co-pilot. Dr. T and I thought the fleet of ships searching for the Malaysian airliner may come across Amelia’s plane first but then I remembered she went down in the Pacific, er, I meant her plane went down in the Pacific.

     Somehow the conversation then switched to pirates and why they wear an eye patch. Dr. T. read they wear an eye patch because when they went below for supplies, one eye was already acclimated to more to the darkness. I told him I had heard they wear an eye patch to ward off motion sickness. Briefly I paused and said I knew the real reason pirates wear those eye patches. My theory to Dr. T. was, at night when they went to bed, it was so dark below those decks they accidentally got poked in the eye by other horny pirates.  I think my theory was the most plausible.

     My teeth are in good shape, so I won’t be seeing Dr. T. for another six months. By then I hope they find the missing Malaysian plane.