The Year of the Straight Male

     Because of the unexpected shift in my consciousness about men, I am pronouncing this is my “Year of the Straight Male”. No one could have ever told me that after ten years of virtual hermitage, I would be almost drowning in straight male testosterone. It has come as a surprise, not only to me, but all of my close friends. Most of them feel I have become bi-polar, unhinged, or am going through some sort of weird adult onset puberty. Whatever pixie dust was sprinkled on me by the universe, it is showing no signs of letting up.

    I have always felt conflicted about men for most of my life. Starting with my family of origin, which was clearly matriarchal, I saw that men ruled the world. I was raised in a household with my mother’s parents, her sister and son, and my family of eight. The women of my household, governed by my grandmother, were strong and independent in their own way. They always deferred to the men as the head of the household but it was the women who really called the shots. From my female figureheads I learned that women may not have the authority but they always had the power.

   The older men in my family were duty-oriented, responsible, and tyrannical but not as intelligent as the women. This imbalance of intellect brought great frustration for the women in my family who had to endure living in circumstances which provided them with no stimulation or outlet for their intelligence. It is no wonder all of them suffered clinically from anxiety and/or depression. My father, the son of Polish immigrants, was an especially tough and hardened man. He married my WASP mother in defiance of his parent’s disapproval, paying the emotional price for this until my grandparents died. My mother was unyielding: she never converted to Catholicism to appease my Polish grandparents, causing her a life’s worthy of misery from them and the Catholic Church. From her I learned I might be forced to acquiesce to patriarchal demands from time to time but I can still hold my ground.

   I was my father’s favorite child. As a child, I was always smiling, happy, and funny. These charms, along with my long blonde braided hair and sweet face, made me virtually irresistible to almost all the men in my family. But my father was particularly protective and attentive to me, much to the chagrin of my mother. I can never remember a time when I didn’t have him wrapped around my finger. When my other siblings wanted to do something my father refused, they knew I could ask him and get a begrudging ‘yes’. All it took were several variations of ‘daddy, please’ before he relented. From my father I learned the persistence of never accepting ‘no’ the first, second, or third time. He also taught me about the power of charm and humor in disarming even the toughest of people.

  The combination of traits from my mother and father contributed to my view of women being superior to men but not as fortunate. It also reinforced marriage and children as psychological strait jackets for women. My male gynecologist once told me that if were not for hormones, men and women might never get together. It is these hormones that overrode my judgment, strategic thinking, intuition, and good sense when it comes to men. By the time I got into middle age, I thought it was all over are far as relationships with men. Then came Craigslist.

   When my friend Karen asked me to move to Colorado to be near her, I thought it would be advantageous to put an ad in Craigslist to see what kind of people live in Grand Junction. I had not expected the reaction I received. For the first time in years I had men sending me replies offering to take me fishing, hike with me, and, of course, more salacious activities. When the plan to move to Colorado fell through, I wondered what it would be like to put an ad in my current city. Again, the response was incredible. However being in a larger city, I received more sophisticated replies. 

    Dating and just being with men is a chore for me. Besides having baggage from previous relationships with men which ended badly, I found it anxiety producing to expose myself both physically and psychologically to them. Being a feminist, I am vigilant as to the subtle nuances of how most men try to intimidate, dominate, or control women. Those first few encounters with those men were lessons in humility and courage. Slowly but surely, I became acclimated, not confident, but able to be around straight men. I found myself actually liking male companionship. It was not totally copacetic but I was willing to entertain being in a serious relationship in the future.

    Enter Christian, my girlfriend’s twenty-six year old son needing a place to stay. Had it not been for my previous dates, I am not certain I could have allowed a young male to live with me. He is not your ordinary male. Christian was raised by a strong woman and is a female identified man with intuitive feelings. There is no doubt in my mind he is more emotionally sentient than me. We have formed a nice bond in the short time we have been known each other. I appreciate his male energy and youthful enthusiasm. He is a welcome male presence who brings a balance to my life.

        In this my declared “Year of the Straight Male”, I will be more receptive and grateful for the good graces associated by mingling with the opposite sex.