Stunned is the only word that can describe my recent interaction with him. He began by insisting he felt something visceral
between us. I thought I had heard it all but I had not. His manner with me was
masterful, his confidence genuine not egotistic, and the language he used with
me was disarming. This is not what I expected from a former university
professor of business. Without hesitation, he astonished me with his proposal:
he said he knew enough about me that he was enchanted. So much so, he wanted to
discuss having a serious long-term relationship with me. I laughed. I told him
I was the kind of woman that men flee from not to. He said he understood. Then
he asked me about my former marriages, my dates, and why I kept myself so
isolated all of these years. The bottom line he said is, “Are you are capable
of being in a loving relationship?” I told him I did not know if that was
possible given all that I had been through. “Then, you have not been with men
who have understood you”, was his comeback. Following his reply he extolled on
his philosophy of love, intimacy, and partnership. He described his late
marriage, his wife’s death, and his desire to not waste any more time when he
had what he wanted was right in front of him. “I am very clear that you are what I am
searching for and I am willing to work to overcome whatever obstacles you feel
are in the path to achieve happiness with you. You are an incredibly
intelligent and communicative woman. I would not feel this way unless I was
certain I would make you happier than you’ve ever been in your life.” I was
speechless. Never have I had a man be so forthright declaring unequivocally I
was the woman he’d been waiting for. I protested with a series of considerations
which were dismantled by his eloquent counterpoints. Every excuse, fear, reason
I could think of defending my position was effectively extinguished by a calm,
steady, and resolute assuredness. I finally had to give up. There was nothing
more in my bag of tricks to dissuade this man whose perseverance surpassed my
apprehensions.
During the next
few days we communicated frequently. He would send some of the
most poignant and romantic emails I have ever had the pleasure to read. His
sincerity was hypnotic. Speaking with him made me feel like I was a child with
a comforting father. He knew not only
how to allay my anxieties but how to beguile me. Whether it was his élan or
willingness to accept me unconditionally, I began to feel myself becoming
entranced.
In his email he
wrote: “It happened…and I’m shocked almost to the point of disbelief. I
awakened this morning and felt something missing. I asked myself why we weren’t
awakening together. I had, and have, no answer. Perhaps you do, I hope so…some
satisfying answer to why this man suddenly feels an absence of a woman who he
inherently knows is his life mate. I think that I’m still shocked, but I like
the emotions.” The more he wrote and spoke to me the more he reached me, but I
could let go. I did not know what to do or say. The response I formulated was
woefully inadequate to correspond to this man’s tenderhearted missive. I
scrapped it. Later in the evening I called him to thank him for his beautiful
words. In my heart, I knew I could not continue to encourage something I knew
could not be at this time. I cannot be something I am not: ready to jump off
the precipice into the sea of love. Amazing, isn’t it? To have a man with such
a rare combination of intellectual acumen, emotional sentience, and spiritual
depth knock on my door and refuse to open it. I must be out of my mind-or maybe
too stuck in it. As a fisherwoman, I know sometimes when one casts for a prized
fish, sometimes you catch something bigger than your rod, reel, and line can
handle.
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