WHAT IS THE SOUND OF ONE CATFISH CATFISHING?

For those social media neophytes who have never experienced online dating, a catfish is a con artist posing as a prince on a dating site to extort or pray upon a vulnerable woman. Usually their masquerade involves pretending they are good, moral, upstanding men who have had the misfortune of losing a wife or family, have to travel frequently (so they are not around), and happen to have had the bad luck of a financial loss. They are so charismatic and knowledgeable about eliciting sympathetic emotions from women that frequently they are successful at fleecing their victim's finances. 

Recently I was catfished twice. However, since I know the drill I actually had some fun keeping them writing to me until I got bored with their excessive platitudes and flowery flattery. What astonished me about these two was that their modus operandi was similar. Both claimed to be widowers, had good moral values, wanted a strong committed relationship, frequently traveled, and swore they were deeply in love with me based on my picture. I never did meet these two but thought their prose would be worth some laughs.

The first one was named Steve. He claimed he was from Finland. Here is an example of his sincerity:

"Hello my beautiful Queen, 

I always feel blessed and happy each time I'm with you on phone. You made my life complete and also a happy place for me. I can't wait to be with you, cuddle you, kiss your soft wet lips and also drive you crazy, I really can't wait to see you scream my name out, you're more than a gold and diamond to me. you are one in a million, Heaven sent precisely.
 I love you not to be loved, because nothing pleases me as much as your happiness.
The moments when i look in your eyeballs in your picture, are the best. Because I know, I definitely love you More than any other.
As love is the most noble and divine passion of the soul, so is it that to which we may justly attribute all the real satisfactions of life, and without it, man is unfinished, and unhappy.
Love is the wine of existence. When you have taken that, you have taken the most precious drop that there is in the cluster.
Distance may keep us apart but i will not stop loving you.
I spent a whole night awake then learned to value a single minute of sleep. I cut a rose and realize that  garden felt missed her. i grew very fast and then i missed the innocence of being a child. I hastened to reach the top of the stairs and did not give the first important steps that were actually the most important. And before that my life pass without noticing I wish you knew how much YOU is SPECIAL in my life I LOVE YOU.
I can lost everything i have but i never want to lost someone like you in my life, your the reason why i laugh, i breath and love.
Before you came into my life, I thought that love was a distant fantasy, now that you showed me what true love is, I hold on tight and never want to let you go because loving you has made me complete."

The second one, Sam, came from Norway. He was younger and more sophisticated in his fishing scheme. As a skilled fisherman in real life, I would say Sam had a slightly better presentation with his lure. I believe he suspected I was on to him. 

   "Just a start but things I look for.  It's not the sex,because that's the icing to a life shared completely with someone that is completely ready to share everything with me.Thank you for given me the opportunity to feel like this again,I am for real and ready to take this journey with you! Not minding the risk...Taking the chance of been your one and only would be the happiest thing ever happened to me all my life because have never felt like this in a long time .We are both Angel of our likeness and happiness,its will be great to have us mixed together to become one ..."

Reading these I feel like Helen of Troy. Who knew a single photo could inspire such passion and devotion without a single phone call or meeting? It made me feel like Trump on election night. Not really, but I did enjoy making these miscreants dance for awhile.