Just in time for summer: MAGA Themed Swimsuits

"This Independence Day, celebrate the new path this great nation is on since the election of Trump. You can Make American Great Again -- or just brighten up the beach -- in this red, white, and blue MAGA swimsuit."
- aafnation.com

Of course, these actually are not the official MAGA swimsuits, but it's never too late to support Trump's commercial avariciousness by purchasing his nationalist beach wear.

Here are the latest comments on this MAGA-crazed merchandise:

-'Now I can look chic at Mar a Lago while paying for Giuliani's fees.'

-'I only wish Trump's mouth was lower.'

-'Am I allowed to pee in the pool when wearing this swimsuit?'

-'Would love to see this in a Stormy gray color.'

-'Does it come with a detachable white hood?'

-'Can hardly wait to see Mr. and Mrs. Pence do a catwalk in these!'

-'Can this purchase be applied against my return of the Trump/Kim
  Jong Un coin?'

-'$130,000 for a swimsuit seems a bit pricey. (Oh, I forgot about the 
  Chinese tariffs on all MAGA prêt-à-porters).'

-'The only thing that would make this more attractive is to have "grab 
  my pussy" embroidered on the crotch.'

-'I like the clever secret compartment for my AR-15.'

-'Am I less likely to be deported if I wear this during an ICE raid?'

-'Sorry, Mr. Mueller, you've been blocked from purchasing the speedo.'

Welcome Home FLOTUS, Melanie!

Donald, could you be referring to one of these Melanies?

Melanie Griffith?

or

aka Olivia De Havilland?

NO BULL: GETTING BUCKED BY THE NEW MOON + URANUS IN TAURUS

Get set for the bull in the china shop New Moon on May 15th. The New Moon in Taurus the bull will be a jam packed with intense astrological action. This New Moon and Uranus (the planet of awakenings, profound change, and innovation) will joins hands with the New Moon's earthbound transit on the same day. In conjunction with the New Moon entering Uranus, the fire sign Aries exits Uranus, leaving us one last conflagration to extinguish. No matter what sign you are, expect this lunation to pack a wallop.

What can be expected by this folie a deux? The New Moon sets intentions, as in New Moons sweep clean. Down what path are we headed? Do we venture forth fearlessly or change direction? What has hypnotized us into believing this reality cannot be changed? At this transitory time, it is especially important to wake up to whatever may be provoking an Aries firestorm. What is needed to douse the embers preventing us from visualizing and actualizing new growth? What is or has been planted that needs nourishment? 

Taurus is a spring sign-a season of growth. We are reminded that the harshness of winter gives way to the glory of spring's colorful floral bouquets. Life emerges bringing more sun and warmth. But it is also the season of tornadoes, floods, and storms. When irresistible Uranus meets the unmovable New Moon on May 15th, we experience where we are royally stuck. Of course, if we can channel being flexible versus being rigidly fixed (or 'stubborn as a bull') we may begin to see some movement. Being grounded does not mean we do not appreciate the interdependence of the other elements which allow us to blossom. 

As an earth sign, Taurus is associated with beauty, appreciation of art, and the love of nature, and productivity. Moving from a fiery sign of Aries to a security-backed fixed sign like Taurus is never easy. With two celestial bodies transiting into Taurus, expect tremors, earthquakes, and volcanoes to capture our internal and external attention. Kilauea is a perfect symbol of Aries moving out of Uranus into Taurus. Nature fighting back is exemplified by Taurus in Uranus exhibiting its bullish unstoppable energy. Whereas Aries in Uranus gave us the fire to move forward (and also a tremendous rise in wildfires), Taurus moving into Uranus gives us the ground for a plan to forge ahead-and aren't all plans shaky at times? Being a fixed (aka stubborn) sign, Taurus will help us stick to accomplishing our goals through the power of persistence. 

But Taurus is also associated money. Taking an inventory of one's finances during this transit is advisable, as Uranus in Taurus will make us acutely aware of our financial status. Bullish monetary practices, whether legal or illegal, ethical or unethical, successful or failures, will be highlighted. Wealth and debt, in their extremes, will come into focus as the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. This could lead to financial unrest and/or retaliation. However, Uranus in Taurus also governed the inception of the New Deal as a political solution to getting the nation out of the Depression. Don't underestimate the power of  Taurus to innovate its way out of a morass.

For those of us in the earth-loving fellow signs of Capricorn and Virgo, the next seven years will be kinder and stabilizing. Fiery Aries in Uranus and its smoky aftermath will soon dissipate clearing passage to terra firma. Amen.

A Truly Great 'Be Best' Moment Melania Should Be Proud Of

Donald J. Trump

✔@realDonaldTrump

Senator Cryin’ Chuck Schumer fought hard against the Bad Iran Deal, even going at it with President Obama, & then Voted AGAINST it! Now he says I should not have terminated the deal - but he doesn’t really believe that! Same with Comey. Thought he was terrible until I fired him!

7:30 AM - May 10, 2018

Chuck Schumer

✔@SenSchumer

#BeBest

Melania's Delusional Cyberbullying Campaign

"Be best"...are you kidding me? This is what Melania is staking her White House role on? How about "Be your best" or "Be the best you can be"? Oh, that's right, she was standing next to her husband when she made this speech. Sadly, they both are linguistically and emotionally challenged. How ironic the biggest bully she needs to worry about is the one to whom she is married. 

"Sitting in the front row, feet from his wife at the podium, the President listened as the first lady cautioned against using the very behavior Trump displays, sometimes on a daily basis.
"As we all know, social media can both positively and negatively affect our children. But too often, it is used in negative ways," said Trump. "When children learn positive online behaviors early on, social media can be used in productive ways and can affect positive change." -abc action news

Sorry, I feel no sympathy for our Slovenian Sphynx. She's taken on cyberbullying as her cause celebre, most likely to protect her and her son from the negative publicity caused by her husband's humiliating scandals. Melania's cyberbullying campaign is a not an attempt to stem the emotional distress caused by tormenting vulnerable children but to distract critics of her husband by pretending she cares about children. Your husband's tweets are the number one source of cyberbullying read daily. Notice she says nothing of this. She is no class act with a heart of gold. She's a pretentious model has-been who married a sugar daddy with no conscience.

Time for some tough talk for Melania, the long suffering FLOTUS dress rack:

1. Take language lessons. For God's sake, you've been in this country too long to speak broken and incoherent English. Do you know that people actually strain their ears trying to understand you? Why don't you "Be best" by communicating through proper enunciation? I find it ironic that a president who is so anti-immigrant has an immigrant wife who is not culturally American (I agree with you on that, April Ryan). My grandparents came from Eastern Europe-they assimilated by learning the English language. 

2. Stop plagiarizing. From Michelle Obama's speech to your new pamphlet, people are going to find out you are stealing their work. "Be best" by either admitting you cannot write or by hiring a writer. You are giving children ammunition to copy others' works and pass it off as their own by pretending you are the author.

3. Don't think that those nude photographs of you are not going to come back and bite you in the ass. Sooner or later one of your son's friends will show them to him or he'll discover them online. Kids being kids, you've set your son up to be the victim of cyberbullying by your poor judgment. "Be best" by warning children that you made a huge mistake by allowing your need to be a 'look at me blowup doll' to supersede the future consequences of your attention-seeking behavior. Adolescents will have a field day with your tastefully done nudes.

4. "Be best" by confronting your husband's lying and narcissistic behavior. Hilary partially lost the election by staying with her womanizing husband and letting her assistant, Huma Abedin, share State Department emails with her predator husband. Your husband's sexually degrading liaisons are not just humiliating but abusive. You are teaching your son, and other children, that this behavior is okay by condoning it. But most of all, you are leading by example, demonstrating that it is fine for your husband to engage in exploitation and aggressive bullying but not for others. This never works. Even children understand this. 

5. "Be best" by listening to the terrible ways your husband creates division and acrimony and advocate for those he has diminished. Talk to the Parkland students about how their desire to create long lasting change against gun violence at school, was met by betrayal from your husband, Fox News, and his GOP constituents. Have you forgotten your husband met with them promising these children victims of violence change, only to lie to them by sweet talking the NRA? Children know all too well the saying, 'do as I say, not as I do'. Don't underestimate how perceptive these kids are to know your husband is a liar, a cheat, and an abuser.

Time to put down the microscope and pick up the mirror, Melania.  

THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM SWAMPMASTER SARAH SANDERS

1. Michelle Wood was right: Sarah Sanders does burn lies and uses the ash for a perfect smokey eye shadow.

2. After seeing her press briefing post the disastrous Giuliani/Fox interview, Sarah looked as if she needed a Fentanyl fix pronto. 

3. A down-home southern drawl does not make spinning sophistry more palpable. 

4. Stormy got paid almost as much as Sarah's yearly salary, but only one of them had to endure being screwed over for a night of work.

5. Prevarication = fake news which happens when your lips move.

6. Like all women in denial from being in an abusive relationship, "The victim is confused and disoriented from gaslighting and from being fed a distorted version of reality." (from a Huffington Post article)

7. Sarah Sanders would make Josef Goebbels proud.

8. Sincerely deluded cannot be camouflaged by White House hair and make-up artists.

9. Sean Spicer did not have the armored, steely passive-aggressiveness Sarah Sanders has but then again, he at least managed to escape.

10. Like Kellyanne Conway, Sarah Sanders revels being in Trump's harem of faux fem bots and enjoys espousing systemic political corruption as 'Making America Great Again'.

MR TRUMP'S LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE STORY

"President Trump admitted Thursday to reimbursing his lawyer for a $130,000 payment made on the eve of the 2016 election to porn actress Stormy Daniels as part of a settlement about her alleged 2006 sexual encounter with Trump.

Trump, however, denied any sexual encounter and claims the payment was in no way connected with the campaign — despite the timing." -NPR

Sure it was. Just like Bill Clinton never had sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky.

'WASHINGTON — President Trump’s new legal team made a chaotic debut as Rudolph W. Giuliani, who was tapped recently to be one of the president’s lawyers, potentially exposed his client to legal and political danger by publicly revealing the existence of secret payments to Michael D. Cohen, the president’s personal lawyer.

After he moved into the White House, the president began paying Mr. Cohen $35,000 a month, Mr. Giuliani said, in part as reimbursement for a $130,000 payment that Mr. Cohen made to a pornographic film actress to keep her from going public about an affair she said she had with Mr. Trump. The president confirmed he made payments to Mr. Cohen in a series of Twitter posts on Thursday morning.' - THE NY TIMES

I wonder if the FEC will be so understanding when it reviews Trump's payment to Stormy Daniels coincidentally occurring weeks before the presidential election. Trump and Giuliani's crack legal team think emphasizing the hush money was 'funneled' through a law firm will exonerate Trump from federal election laws.

I also want to know where I can get a $130,000 check for not having sex. Giuliani made it sound that it is a commonplace law practice to take care of these little details without bothering his clients with the facts. In that case, I have never had sex with Trump (wink, wink).

Dr. Trump Writes His Own History and Physical

Donald J. Trump

✔@realDonaldTrump

As a presidential candidate, I have instructed my long-time doctor to issue, within two weeks, a full medical report-it will show perfection. 6:08 AM - Dec 3, 2015

Trump wrote his own 'astonishingly excellent' health letter, claims former doctor

• Donald Trump's former doctor has claimed the president wrote his own health letter in 2015.
• Physician Harold Bornstein has said Trump dictated the letter over the telephone.
• White House staff removed Trump's health files from the physician's office in February 2017.  -CNBC

Here's the letter alleged to have been written by Trump that was absconded, along with Trump's actual medical records, in the raid on Dr. Bornstein's office:

But wait, we have another glowing physician testimonial to Trump's excellent health by his 'Candy Man' doctor, whose attempt to lead the VA ended tragically:

Wow, who knew Trump went to medical school while trying to dodge the draft at Wharton. Now I understand-when he was grabbing pussy all these years, it was just his attempt at playing doctor.