Dear Sweden,
Yesterday our President made mention about the terrorist attack that has beset your nation. I am kind of surprised our President did not offer any military assistance to you but I am sure he is waiting for Fox news to report the extent of the incursion before he acts. Certainly he does understand the attack you endured is not fake news.
As a woman who has lived with your descendants in Minnesota, I wish to express my shock, offer my sympathies, and support your efforts to curb terrorism caused by your immigrants. Personally, I have never trusted those Norwegians you let in-you know their blond ambition is ruthless. Being a neutral nation has left you vulnerable to their Viking-like beserking. And BTW: the Finns are even worse-they'll bankrupt your healthcare system with never ending treatments for depression. Let this be a lesson for you.
You may want to consider President Trump's plan for managing immigrants terrorists:
1. First consider building a wall. I'd begin with Norway as you cannot let their lutefisk and gamalost become integrated as one of your favorite foods like salsa and tacos are in the U.S. Those Norwegian delicacies alone should make the Geneva Convention's list of inhuman punishments.
2. Pass illegal legislation mandating the deportation and restricted importation of the usual suspects. One can never really disprove a fear-based conspiracy theory, so the odds of success are in your favor until your judiciary branch gets involved.
3. Joan Crawford wisely advised when playing the tough warden in a rioting women's prison film to control dangerous offenders with the "intelligent use of force". I hear water-boarding is particularly effective.
4. Declare anyone who is opposed to your policies as "enemies of the people". No approval-oriented social media fan wants to be accused of being an enemy by the government-it's not politically correct and can ruin the chance of employability.
5. Twitter endless shame-based messages to anyone who disagrees with your point of view as 'bad' or 'terrible' people. Humiliation always works as an effective psychological deterrent. Just ask anyone who attended parochial school.
5. Twitter endless shame-based messages to anyone who disagrees with your point of view as 'bad' or 'terrible' people. Humiliation always works as an effective psychological deterrent. Just ask anyone who attended parochial school.
5. And finally, condemn your insurgents to wear Ivanka's cheesy fashions. Unlike water-boarding, they will surely die from embarrassment and the steep cost of garishness.
Good luck, Sweden.
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