Four years ago I met a successful restauranteur whom I dated twice. He presented himself as a 'Christian' man with strong religious values. The first date we talked giving me an initial impression this affable man had 'issues' surrounding his upbringing and rigid belief systems, but nothing that seemed to give off big warning signs. The second date was different. By then I could see how manipulative he was. As I listened closely to his words, I intuitively pieced together he was living with his girlfriend and just looking to supplement the sex he was getting from her. That was that-I ended our brief meeting with "I don't get involved with men who are married or are already in a relationship." It pissed me off thinking he could pull this over on me but he knew I meant what I said that there was no chance I would see him again. He did not push back and seemed to accept he hit a dead end.
But that was not the end of this story. A few weeks later, he emailed me to tell me he came to the realization that he was an alcoholic and started AA. Because he knew I had some experiences with friends who were recovered alcoholics, I surmised he contacted me hoping to elicit enough sympathy which might loosen my starchy 'I will not see you again' boundary. It didn't work. Though I was supportive of him admitting and seeking help, I told him he needed to quit all contact with me and focus entirely on his recovery. The last contact I had with him is when he emailed me to let me know he had managed to make it a month without drinking, making him feel hopeful about recovery. All I could think about is I dodged a bullet by ending contact with a manipulative alcoholic whose rigidity and weird 'Christian' values gave me the creeps.
Fast forward to this week. The headlines in all the local papers screamed out the horrific news that a prominent restaurant owner was charged with 14 counts of sexual assault with multiple women. Yes, it was the same man I dated twice four years ago. According to one of the allegations, this man interviewed a potential waitress during hours when the restaurant was closed, roofie them by offering them wine, and assault her while she were unconscious. As this news broke, other women have come forward with stories of being sexually assaulted by this man. Unlike me, these were all younger women in their 30s unaware of the danger they were in. The allegations made by his multiple victims were so shocking that the judge set his bail at $900,000. Like most predators with deluded egos, he has denied these claims. Evidently, the list of women assaulted by this man continues to grow as news spreads of his arrest.
After having met and dated this man twice do I believe his victims? You better believe I do. Although I escaped his clutches, I could sense there was something deeply askew in this man who gave me the creeps. He is a skilled manipulator, a smarmy addict, and a devious control freak. As a prominent wolf in sheep's clothing, he has made me wonder how many other victims he has out there that are too scared, embarrassed, or traumatized to come forward.
National Sexual Assault Awareness Month has made me come forward with my experience of a close brush with a sexual deviant. I have told a number of people about my encounter with this 'Christian' pillar of society and how fortunate I was to escape the fate of his other victims. Why? Because silence equals shame, secrecy, and keeps us all mired in the thought that we 'deserved' victimization. I want everyone to know that sexual predators are not so easily spotted, are incredibly skilled at manipulation, and count on our silence to evade prosecution.
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